Dating is a hit or miss in today’s era. We find the person we think we like. We jump in head first excluding ourselves from dating others only to find out that we should have played musical chairs with our potential partners. We have this idea that once we find someone that meets a number of our criteria, this person is the one. The reality is this person may meet our expectations and be perfect for someone, just not us. We make mistakes that cost us our peace of mind and joy.
Much of the heart break we endure can be avoided if we stop making the same mistakes. It is as though we repeatedly make the mistakes because the lesson we hadn’t learned feels good. It’s a bit asinine, if I may say so. These are the five mistakes I discovered women, myself included make when dating.
ASSUMING DATING FOLLOWS THE SAME SCRIPT
The issue here is that women who are more carnal tone down who they are in order to garner more respect. It’s a form of respectability politics. You end up dating someone who should have been a fling or casual sex partner. The road to marriage, if that is what you are seeking, doesn’t follow the same script. Clearly if it did, some of us wouldn’t be older than our parents vowels. Sometimes the relationship isn’t a fairytale where it was love at first sight and you knew that you were destined to be together.
EXCUSE POOR BEHAVIOR
This isn’t a fairytale that Walt Disney or your friends that expect less sold you. This is reality. Ignored phone calls, lack of communication, inconsistency, not honoring their word, ghosting- those aren’t signs of immaturity. Those are character flaws. A person’s word is their bond. Being tardy? We all can adjust and work on that. Repeatedly canceling plans, denying conversations you have engaged in, disappearing for a period of time- that is avoidable.
DATING TOO BROAD
Sometimes loneliness gets the best of us and we date any and everything so long as it’s the gender, height and tax bracket we want. We should be intentional with our selection of partners the same way we are with our affirmations. Outside of physical and financial attributes, we should focus on the qualities we want. If I want a partner that is family oriented, I am not seeking a partner that negates his family (unless they are toxic). If I want a guy that wants and adore kids, why would I date someone that has emphatically stated that kids are not in their plans. That doesn't make sense at all!
DATING ONE PERSON AT A TIME
This is the doozy. Dating and being sexually involved are not synonymous. Every person you are sexually involved with, you may not be dating nor are any of the people you are dating, you are sexually involved with. The only absolutes are you dating a person and/or you are sexually involved with another. Therefore it is possible for you to date as many people as you would like until you find the person that is for you. After all, a bit of competition never hurts anyone!
DATING POTENTIAL AND NOT REALITY
I don’t know if it’s the idea of what can possibly be, but many of us date on the potential of a partner instead of analyzing what our potential partner currently is. This isn’t to say that people aren’t going to change or have goals, but those that do usually have some type of plan. If you date potential, date potential with a plan of action, not the dreamer who has a thousand ideas, no direction and no desire. Let's do better, sis!