Sex is this taboo topic that we as women are often taught we should tap-dance around, especially if what we have to say will negatively affect our partner’s ego. For their sake and their sake alone, our pleasure and freedom of speech feel like they are held hostage. Although we have had our bodies since birth, our partner may feel they are more in tune with our pleasure zones than we are. The reality is, they are not. There are conversations that must be had, as bodies require education and exploring.

The truth of the matter is that it is not uncommon for at least one partner to not be sexually fulfilled. According to a 2017 survey by, over a third of Americans in relationships admitted to not being satisfied sexually. There can be tons of reasons why this might be the case, such as stress, a lack of a connection, fear of hurting your partner’s ego and the very obvious: Your partner may not know how to sexually satisfy you. It doesn’t matter the reason — what matters is the solution.

Forget Everything Porn Taught You

The first step is realizing porn isn’t a true representation of sex. Porn stars are paid actors who participate in sexual activity. Many of the intense scenes you see are not a realistic portrayal of intercourse, and should not set your expectations for it. Female porn stars have gone on record saying that they have been in pain during the filming of a scene. You don’t have to be into choking, being slapped or rough sex. You do not have to “squirt” to be totally satisfied. If you do, that is fine. However, the idea that sex should resemble pornography is unreasonable.

Know Your Body

There is a sliver of a chance that your partner will be able to please you without you knowing your erogenous zones. The question then becomes, why wait and see when you can know? Know what gets you percolating. Learn what spots will have you in the zone when they’re caressed. Explore your body. You can even enroll in classes, if you’re open to that. You can also incorporate toys or tools to learn what sensations or combination of sensations you like.

Get Over the Fear of Telling Your Partner They’re Not Doing It for You

It is perfectly okay to tell your partner that what they’re doing isn’t working. If you are worried about how they’re going to receive this information, then you are worried about the wrong thing. Sex is a significant part of the natural progression of a relationship. Leaving the bedroom without being satisfied can weigh heavily on a relationship. Being straightforward is always preferred, so try to tell them what you like or enjoy. If being blunt is off the table, try guiding or offering suggestions to your partner. Give verbal encouragement. Include tantric exercises in your foreplay and begin foreplay early in the day. Encourage your partner to text you their sexual thoughts so that the anticipation builds, which could help make climaxing easier. Also, include more intimate acts to deepen the connection beyond only sexual tension.