Growing up, some girls received ample warnings from their mothers, grandmothers and aunties about jealous girls. These girls could have been fellow students or friends who coveted wardrobes, were envious of particular hairstyles or the attention from peers. As time passed, those familial warnings would shift. They now included the threats of women who might want to “take your man.” Rarely, however, did these older women warn against the men who, in some cases, are more interested in suppressing a woman than watching her shine. The lessons about these men are often learned the hard way. But there are some signs that can help you spot the red flags.

He Downplays Your Accomplishments 

Imagine you come home from a great day at the office. Your work is being celebrated, your colleagues respect you and take you seriously, and the higher ups have mentioned that a promotion may be in your future. You rush home to tell your partner the good news. Instead of doing a little happy dance, he responds to all of this good news with an “Umph, it hasn’t happened yet. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket.” You needed someone to match your energy and instead, he just rained on your parade. This is more than just a man being a realist or practical. This is a clear sign your man is jealous.

He Embarrasses You in Public

Do you sometimes contemplate whether you should invite your man to family dinners or company happy hours because you never know what he might say? Does your beau make out of pocket comments to the very people you need to impress? It may all seem haphazard or like a quirk in his personality. But chances are he goes out of his way to be inappropriate at inopportune times. It’s intentional and a ploy to make you look bad in front of people you care about or those you’d like to care about you.

Redirects Conversations Back to Himself 

If your man is not the type to flat out embarrass you in public, there are those who take a different route. When people are complimenting you, instead of joining the conversation with his own tales of your brilliance, he finds a way to shift the conversation back to himself. He can’t stand to let you inhabit the limelight for too long. He doesn’t redirect in a way that follows the natural progression of a conversation, he cuts people off to awkwardly highlight himself, leaving others uncomfortable.

They Say You’re Too Much

On the ride home from that happy hour, when you get to the house and even as you undress, your partner is giving you the silent treatment. After the way they’ve behaved, you’re not too eager to talk to them either. But eventually, you crack and ask them why they’re upset. That’s when they tell you that you talked about yourself too much. You were bragging and it embarrassed them. Being in the presence of people who actually see you for the amazing person you are, makes him feel inferior. Instead of addressing his own inadequacy, he’d rather make you the problem.

They Try to Make You Out to be a Bad Person 

Most jealous men recognize that trying to convince others that you’re “not all that” is futile. So instead, they’ll try to create a narrative about you that is not only defamatory, it’s completely untrue. All of sudden he regards the same traits that attracted him to you in the first place as character flaws. Not like a conversation where a partner lovingly shares constructive criticism, this feels malicious and hateful. That’s because it is. Your man is trying to make you feel badly about yourself because he’s jealous and wants to feel superior. Instead of trying to convince him that’s he’s misunderstood you, consider a swift exit.