Despite how much we progress, sex will forever be taboo due to the box it has been placed in. It is natural to us just as breathing is, but for some reason sex as a concept is always looked upon as something perverse or dirty; an activity that most shouldn’t participate in unless certain criteria is met. If intercourse is such a restricted topic, imagine the disdain for kinks. Kinks as it pertains to sexuality is the deviation from conventional sexual practices. It is defined as “the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies.” The etymology focuses on the “bend” in sexual behavior.  

Whatever Hollywood has told you about kinks, erase it. 

Kinks isn’t exclusively domination and BDSM. It’s the foot fetish your guy may have or the excitement you may feel if someone catches you in the act. It’s the thing that gets you going. Some individuals enjoy watching their partner masturbate. Others are into the hot spouse/ cuckold situation. A considerable demographic enjoy CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) play. Whatever it is, as long as it’s between two consenting adults no one should be shamed. 

Knowing about kinks and being presented with one are two totally different things. 

Of course it’s easier to accept something when it does not apply to you. You’re about to get it on with your partner and boom, your partner hits you with an “hot spouse” fantasy (not to be confused with cuckold). Your partner wishes to watch you engage in sexual activity with someone else. It’s consensual. You choose your second partner. For many of us, the idea of intimacy with someone outside of our partner is not something we think about nor desire. Add the concept of being watched as you engage seems very uncomfortable. And it is for a percentage of the population. For the others, it’s a cake walk. The kink doesn’t have to be that extreme. It can be exhibitionism or toy play. 

First things first, acknowledge the honesty. 

It takes a lot to not only be sexual with someone, but to share your kink with them. This means that your partner trusts you. Their trust, while appreciated, isn’t a co-sign from you. When you acknowledge the trust, it’s just that acknowledgement. It is not automatic consent.

Open the lines of communication with sincere questions. 

This your opportunity to explore your partner’s kink, how they arrived at this awareness and how your participation would benefit you both. If it is something that you cannot fathom, share that with your partner. Offer what you are comfortable with, if anything. Set your parameters. Know your limitations and discuss what can or cannot occur.