The year was 2016. I just graduated college and completely uprooted the life I lived at my illustrious HBCU for years. I was facing post-grad depression, student loans, leaving all of my friends and trying to find who I was now that I am officially an adult. Then I met him.

At first, it seemed like a dream come true. He and I had similar upbringings; his father was a retired veteran like mine, we shared the same birthday (a big red flag in itself but we can talk astrology later) and our family dynamics were so similar. He was the only man I have had interest in whose parents were still together, like mine. This indicated to me that he knew what it meant to have a healthy family dynamic, which I wanted.

Then everything turned sour. I was often gaslighted for issues I brought up with the way he treated me, as if it was directly the cause of something I did. He would be inconsistent with showing me attention; some days giving me all the love and affection and other days he’d barely text me. There were countless times where he would show me off to his friends, as if I were a trophy and then dismiss me when we’d leave that setting. All in an effort to string me along and “keep me on my toes.”

What’s most embarrassing about the treatment was that I fell for it all. I thought that I was doing something wrong every step of the way and if I couldn’t get my act together, I’d lose out on the best thing that has happened to me. He would dangle the idea of making me his official girlfriend in my face as much as he could. It made me want to put in overtime to make him happy so I could get the “prize” of being his girlfriend. I yearned for his attention. Stockholm Syndrome at its finest. He was my abuser and all I wanted to do was work hard for his validation, I wanted him to love me solely because he showed me time and time again that he didn’t.

I was manipulated, used and exploited and I finally decided enough was enough.

Narcissist