For those ready to get all the way into their feels, there are supposedly only 36 questions needed to fall in love. If you feel the call, it may be time to deepen the connection on your next date with these revealing intimate questions. With Valentine’s Day creeping closer into sight, these questions may help ramp up the romance. Here is everything to know about this gateway to love with these 36 questions.
What to know:
Psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron (among others) first formulated this study in 1997 to see if a series of questions could help accelerate a couple’s journey to falling in love. Held at Stony Brook University, New York, the study took place between a heterosexual man and woman. The basis of the study was to focus on ways to boost the intimacy between two strangers. Dr. Aron’s study lays out how mutual vulnerability can lead to a closer bond. In other words, be prepared for some serious bonding. We’re talking the type that makes or breaks a brewing love.
The study is structured with three sets of questions, each set getting more and more probing to evoke greater vulnerability.
Before you and your partner ask the 36 questions to fall in love, read this:
The study and findings reveal what it means to cultivate closeness. In fact, the study relates it to ‘an interconnectedness’, or a sense of “including the other in the self”. The questions really have blown up in recent years and couples and non-couples alike trust the method for developing relationships. We have to say it, taking the questionnaire won’t guarantee L-O-V-E by the time you reach question 36 (maybe). Instead, it could strengthen the bond in ways you may not have thought possible. If you must know though, the study originally brought together two strangers to ask and answer the questions, ending the study with four minutes of sustained eye contact. Rumor has it that the couple fell in love and got married six months later…
The full list of 36 questions to fall in love (if you dare)…
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.