Oversharing was always a huge problem for me when I was younger. I used to think that sharing my business with people made me more relatable, vulnerable even. Whenever someone in my circle would share their problems, I tried to make them feel validated by oversharing similar experiences. Looking back, I was guilty of overstepping my boundaries. Although every relationship needs open communication and honesty, sometimes oversharing is not the perfect remedy.

While I thought I was being honest, the reality is that I was selling myself short. It took me a while to figure it out, but people I opened up to often did not seem to reciprocate the openness. People I opened up to often held their secrets closely, which caused me to question the authenticity of the friendship. In retrospect, I believe that those experiences taught me a few things about human nature. 

People Like Gossip, But Are Also Intrigued By Privacy

Although we connect with people by being open and vulnerable, trust and sharing should take time to build. When people rush into opening up about their deepest, darkest secrets so fast, it can seem premature. Beyoncé has mastered the art of privacy, only allowing her fans (and foes) see details of her life on her terms. There is something that we can all learn from that. While people like gossip, they are also intrigued by privacy because privacy is powerful.

One Piece At a Time Is Always a Good Idea

People are more intrigued when a person takes things one piece at a time. When we start relationships or friendships, it is always important to pace things. It is better to unravel yourself slowly instead of rushing into things and oversharing every nitty-gritty detail of your life. This builds respect over time and also helps you gauge the character of whoever you’d like to share with. 

People View You Based On How Much You Share

Although this list may seem jaded, it is what I have observed. People around you don’t need to know everything about your life. Not to mention, people unconsciously judge you based on how deep and personal the information is. Depending on the nature of what you have shared, they may just share it with someone else, which can escalate.

Some People Who Guard Their Secrets Closely Don’t Mind Telling Yours

There are some people who are extremely secretive about themselves, but want to know about everyone else. People like these don’t respect boundaries and may release pieces of information about themselves here and there so that you feel like they are opening up. This is often a manufactured ploy to get close. I used to know someone who told everyone that I was having a baby and shared other shreds of my business before I had the chance to share the news myself. They then secretly got married a few weeks later and then sent me a selfie after the wedding. They had been secretly planning the wedding and never shared that. While I respected their decision, it also put things in perspective for me. I had overshared elements about my life, while they had guarded themselves carefully. It immediatley signified an imbalance in the faux friendship.

After I had the baby, they became upset that I hadn’t shared the news of child’s birth with them. Most people like these tend to gaslight and manipulate their friends play the same card against them. While it may be a shred of human vices, it is also slightly narcissistic. 

At the end of the day, I could only blame myself for oversharing. This specific experience taught me that it is always important to thoroughly check those in your inner circle before sharing anything remotely personal. You might be saving yourself from unnecessary drama down the line by not sharing too much, and no matter how tame someone can seem, you never truly know a person. It is always crucial for them to earn that trust first. Human dynamics are complicated, but it doesn’t hurt to protect yourself by being tight-lipped. It has certainly worked for me. Above all, I learned that there is a clear line between authentic and oversharing

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