Parenting is an intricate journey. There are a myriad of things to worry about, and it certainly doesn’t help when your parenting approach clashes with other family members. An online discourse on X began after a mother shared her anger in finding out her mother had relaxed her daughter’s hair without her consent. She felt her word as a parent was disregarded and her mother didn’t feel in shame in imposing. Another user shared a conversation she had to have with her mother, who commented on her daughter’s plate and insinuated she was over-eating.

Instances of grandparents crossing the lines are a dime a dozen, which pegs the question: how do you enforce boundaries between your parents and your kids? It’s your job to evolve and break generational cycles. It only makes sense that there would be variations in the way you parent. You may not tolerate commentary on weight and body image or choose to employ gentle parenting. Whatever the case may be, you’re allowed to be harsh about what you’ll allow when to comes to your child. This applies no matter who the culprit is.

Setting boundaries between your parents and your children should be both loving and stern.

Communicate With Clarity

It’s not enough to set the boundary. It’s important to be clear on why you have the rules that you do, and the potential damage that could be done should they not abide by your terms and conditions. Be very clear on what they’ve done wrong and why you won’t allow it to happen again. It can humanize your argument when the root of your why is clear, incentivizing your parents to be more willing.

Offer an Opportunity to Discuss

You and your parents come from very different generations, like you and your child. It’s only normal that they may have some sort of rebuttal or want to defend their way of thinking. Be open to hearing them out, even if it doesn’t change your stance. What’s important here is to make sure they feel heard, so that it becomes a conversation rather than a confrontation.

Remain Rooted in Love

When someone feels attacked, they can shut down and no longer be open to hearing you. Make sure you approach these conversations with love and an open heart, rather than feeling triggered and being abrasive. You ultimately want your children to be able to have a relationship with their grandparents, so stay centered on that goal.

Follow Through on Consequences

A boundary without consequences is simply a suggestion. If a boundary being disregarded means no visitation privileges for a period of time, then it’s important to honor that. The only way your boundaries will be respected is if they are enforced, even if it hurts to enforce them.

Stay in Your Power

It can be easy to bypass things in order to avoid conflict, though if it’s something that truly bothers you, you’re only betraying yourself. At the end of the day, you’re the parent and they are the grandparents. It’s your duty to pretext your child as it was theirs to protect you, and you get to do that however you see most fit.

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