For many people, conceiving can be a huge undertaking. Although you might think that you're saying the best thing to your best friend who is trying to get pregnant, it might be worth it to take a step back and re-evaluate how you approach the subject of your friend getting pregnant. If you are in this boat, here are some things that you should never tell someone who is having a hard time getting pregnant.
"Don't Overthink it."
This is a common phrase that people say every time to get pregnant. It often insinuates that the person trying to conceive is overthinking things and possibly even causing their infertility by "trying too hard." Saying this comes off as insensitive, harmful, and tone-deaf. Asking someone not to overthink means that you encourage them not to take the steps they need to address anything going on medically.
"Just adopt."
When you ask someone to adopt, you are probably minimizing the situation. While adoption can be a beautiful process, it can also be an emotional upheaval for someone who wants biological children. An adoption is an excellent option for many families, but not everyone wants to adopt, so it is respectful to not spring on suggestions on her.
"I know how you feel."
There is no proper way to know how someone else feels truly. Although you may have experienced the same thing, it can feel minimized to your friend or loved one to know you are trying too hard to reduce their frustration trying to conceive. If you have gone through similar fertility situations, instead of attempting to empathize by comparing your situation to theirs, empathize with them and offer your support without telling them you know how they feel.
"People Have It Worse."
Although your intentions may be good, saying that other people have it worse is extremely minimizing and can come off as insensitive and invalidating. When you compare their situation to someone else's, it can make them feel unheard. By saying that other people have it worse, it can seem cold, aloof, and unempathetic.
"Everything happens for a reason."
Hearing that "everything happens for a reason" can feel unnerving for someone going through fertility challenges. No matter what their religion offers, these not-so-comforting words diminish the pain they are experiencing and can ultimately make them feel like they are incapable (and unworthy) of being parents.
"Why Don't You Try… ?"
From the first time anyone goes through treatment at a fertility clinic, they are looking for a solution to getting a baby. While you may think that suggesting a solution to them might seem unintentionally overbearing, it is best to keep these ideas to yourself and offer empathy and support instead.
"You Have Time."
Telling someone that they have time can seem more depressing rather than comforting. The last thing that someone trying to get pregnant wants to know is the ticking biological clock in the background.
"Why Don't You Try IVF???.."
In vitro fertilization is extremely expensive and can be a financial strain on many couples considering conceiving, and imposing the idea on them can seem even more overwhelming. IVF is a long and arduous process. The last thing your loved one needs is a suggestion on what fertility route to take.
"Have You Tried A New Diet?"
Sometimes, it can be easy to say something mindless and rude to our loved ones. If your friend or family member is struggling with fertility issues, it is important to watch what you say. It is always best to take a cautious approach when talking about fertility. Asking someone about their diets, do's, and don'ts is not usually a good idea.
"Just Relax."
Although this statement is always well-meant, telling someone trying to have a baby to "relax" is highly insensitive. Telling someone under stress to try to relax does not make this situation better; instead, it can cause your friend to fester resentment, and it certainly won't help them get pregnant if they are already struggling to get pregnant.