As a society, we tend to have a very one-dimensional view of grief. We associate it with a physical death, a mourning that can only come accompanied by the physical loss of a loved one. However, any kind of ending can call for grieving, from leaving a job to leaving a relationship. It’s important to not only honor the emotional significance of these endings but to also give yourself the proper tools, language and self-awareness to process their demise.
If you or someone you love is going through a breakup, the journey can be easily broken down into five stages. Let’s learn a bit about what each phase entails and how you can best cope to ensure healing and evolution.
5 Stages of Grief During a Breakup
Understanding which stage you’re at while processing the end of your relationship can be very helpful when moving through the varying emotions, providing helpful language and making the necessary space to confront what you’re feeling.
Stage 1: Denial
Oftentimes, if we’re not the ones to initiate the separation, we can find ourselves in deep denial that it’s even over. While you never know what the future holds, this is the stage where you may invest a bit of too much hope in reconciliation, hoping that this is only a momentary pause in the relationship. You could find yourself still in consistent communication with your ex, clinging onto any indication that they want to reconcile as well. It’s most helpful to limit as much contact as possible with the other person, as this will only blur the emotions more.
Stage 2: Anger
Whether you’re angry at your former partner, yourself, or your luck in dating, anger is an emotion that can easily come up during the breakup process. While many see it as a negative emotion to feel, it’s an incredibly healthy one, indicative of someone with an awareness of their boundaries, desires and unmet needs. There are many healthy ways to express this anger, from physical activity to journaling, so long as you do your best to refrain from taking it out on your former partner.
Stage 3: Begging
Similar to the denial stage, you could find yourself bargaining with your ex to find some sort of compromise through the lens of delusion. You can offer promises of how you will change, or maybe even change your expectations of them, hoping that there’s some sort of middle ground. This can manifest in phone calls, texts, showing up to where they are or making threats about your wellbeing. You may even take an interest in astrology or tarot card readings, hoping to get guidance from the universe. Having a grounding individual in your life who can cement you back into reality when the delusion takes over is crucial.
Stage 4: Depression
When your efforts are unreturned, you can find yourself consumed by the depth of your disappointment. Reality starts to set in and those big emotions can snowball into depression, making it easy to succumb to the darkest crevices of your mental health. With waning feelings of hopelessness, it can be easy to want to lean on coping mechanisms that numb you, though therapy and leaning on loved ones can be the most helpful, motivating factors at this time. While it may seem far away, there is most certainly a light at the end of this tunnel.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Making peace with the ending is the final stage of the breakup journey. Whether you like it or not, the relationship is over and deciding it happened for you rather than to you is a perspective that can expedite the healing process. This doesn’t mean there won’t be any lingering sadness, it simply means that you’ve chosen to swim with the current rather than against it. It’s commonly known that time heals all wounds and as you sink more deeply into the reality in which the relationship is over, the more the pain will dissipate and the more open your heart will bloom into accepting new love.