Trauma can get passed down in families from one generation to the next. If you don’t break the cycles, it can affect every aspect of your lifes, including romantic relationships.
Dr. Mariel Buqué is a licensed trauma psychologist, and author of Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma. In her work she explores the impact of intergenerational trauma on mental health and how it can affect relationships. Buqué explains that generational trauma impacts the brain and nervous system’s capacity to distinguish whether or not a situation or a person is truly threatening. It also impacts the capacity to focus and to see situations in a balanced way. As well as causes the mind to default to heavy emotions, like shame and sadness, for prolonged periods of time. Trauma even breaks down the capacity of the mind and body to stay well, which impacts all relationships, including romantic relationships.
“Trauma has so much to do with our partner selection,” she said. “We tend to choose partnerships that feel familiar to what we saw growing up, and if those relationships were marked by chaos or dysfunction, we may unconsciously gravitate toward dysfunction.”
Buqué suggests a few key tactics to address the trauma that might be affecting your relationship.
Identify Signs of Trauma
In order to move forward, it’s important to identify subconscious behaviors that might signal trauma. A few indicators that are indicative of inherited trauma are:
- You’ve seen your unhealthy adult relationship patterns reflected in your childhood home.
- You realized that a large part of your emotional suffering comes from not receiving enough love from your caretakers, and that they, too, suffered the same fate.
- You realized that your family was keeping deep secrets that have plagued them—and you—emotionally.
Acknowledge the Impact of Trauma
This step is crucial, and accepting the reality of trauma is a part of stepping into freedom. Acknowledge that your childhood trauma is impacting and influencing your relationships today.
“So many of us are stuck in stigma cycles that don’t allow us an opportunity to experience healing,” says Dr. Buqué.
Acknowledging trauma allows you to call it out, and by naming it, you can move past stigma and into acceptance.
Seek Therapy
Buqué encourages readers to seek therapies that help settle the nervous systems. When treating a dysregulated nervous system, there are various therapeutic techniques. They combine gentle physical movements and breathwork to promote relaxation, improve body awareness and enhance overall well-being.
Excavate the Past
Finally, when you’re ready, you can begin to dig into the past to see what needs to be left behind. Doing so can help bring abundance in your romantic relationships today.
“Generational trauma seems big and scary, but I can assure you that what lies on the other side is truly liberating,” Buqué said.