Asking For A Friend returns for episode four, and our host — New York Times bestselling author, relationship columnist and “self love strategist” Elisabeth Ovesen — dives straight into the topic of celibacy.
Ovesen begins by recounting the relationship of actress Meagan Good and her now ex-husband, motivational speaker DeVon Franklin. The couple actually chose to abstain from sexual activity prior to their marriage and are now, nine years later, going through the flames of a divorce. This poses the episode’s general question: Is celibacy worth it?
Ovesen defines celibacy as “the state of abstaining from sexual relations” and reveals that she’s actually in her second year of the practice. Although it may sound like a difficult choice, she shares that it’s similar to being in a state of detox. She states, “After you get past the first couple of weeks, it just doesn’t matter anymore.” As for those who may see celibacy as intriguing, Ovesen warns, “I think that celibacy should be a personal choice, for sure. But I feel like it should be done for you and not for a relationship or not to either enhance, magnify, cleanse [a relationship] — I feel like it should be something you do for you.” She emphasizes that it should be a personal action taken without an anticipated prize at the end.
Tune in as Elisabeth shares advice for callers and social media followers who are currently considering celibacy or are dealing with its repercussions in their dating life, as well as its effects on their mental and emotional health. Ovesen shares whether one should question sticking to their celibacy journey as they meet new potential partners, why celibacy is a great way to clear one’s mind, energy and spirit, how important it is to adopt new hobbies while indulging in the practice and how one can overcome insecurities about turning off potential suitors with their decision to abstain from sexual activity.
As for her own personal reasons behind abstaining from sex, Ovesen shares that she decided to indulge in celibacy to disconnect from a toxic relationship. She reveals that over the course of her journey, she’s been able to find herself and learn how to truly enjoy her time alone. Today, Ovesen says she feels the most “emotionally and spiritually successful” that she’s ever felt in her entire life. The practice has led her to achieve overall clarity in her life, allowing her to better nurture herself and prioritize her needs.
Check out the full episode below to hear what else she had to share, and be sure to subscribe!