Let’s just face our own truths, right here and right now, most of what we knew we were being taught, was a set up. I am talking about the generalized, blanketed lessons. The ones without any identity or variables. The ones that you could categorize as if it doesn’t apply, then let it fly. Oh, it flew, yet we subconsciously bought into it anyway. The real life lessons were the ones we didn’t even know that we were being taught, yet we were learning.

The problem that we often encounter in life is that we were made to believe that if we go with the flow, then life will flow. That is far from the fact. In reality, our minds operate, in a way, ready to rebel and wreak havoc because of that very misconception. Going with the flow ultimately symbolizes us being out of our own control, and being controlled by others and external stimuli.

Let’s give Janet Jackson and her 1986 team their flowers, 36 years later, which is just about a lifetime for me, these lyrics can buy our freedom- “Control.” When it’s said that music can be the soundtrack of life, this is what was meant. Songs, that capture the pure essence of everything we are going through, at given moments in life, are pivotal in our journeys to being our best self. So thank you Ms. Jackson.

“Control, to get what I want/ Control, I like to have a lot”

The only way that we can break free of the shackles that keep our minds, bodies, and spirits stagnant, is by taking control of ourselves and our emotions. Our happiness and healing are on the other side of not only speaking our truths, but standing in them. A lot of us are quiet and afraid to speak on the things that may make someone else uncomfortable, yet we are okay with keeping ourselves boxed in. That right there, is one of those generalized lessons, making us mistake masking accountability as the greater good. If I am not included, how great can that good actually be?

We sit in the shadows of our pasts, without even knowing that this is responsible for the dimness of the present, and the darkness foreseen in our futures. It makes us fear our own growth in a way, to the degree that we become our own problems and allow those people and things of the past, a pass. Now, don’t misconstrue this, as me saying your past is your excuse, but understand it as your past needs to be addressed, in order to not allow it to take residence or precedence, from this day forward. You need that room to build.

“Got my own mind/I want to make my own decisions”

Understand that acknowledging your wants, is not the same as asking for permission. Manifestation has been trending heavily in the self care and healing movement, and rightfully so. Speak your peace and do so fluently. Step up out of the shadows that have kept you hidden. There’s someone inside of you, fighting to be seen, heard, and valued. Being a part of the crowd just will no longer do. It is nothing like being uncomfortable with ourselves, battling our own demons, and essentially calling ourselves out. You have never been mishandled more than you’ve mishandled yourself, if we are still being honest.

One day, we might just wake up different, but we’ll only know that, if others tell us. However, the moment that we desire to be and do different, we awaken something inside, that allows us to be introduced to our difference. Have you ever met your own elevation? Perhaps, you have. In those moments, when you realize you are not who you used to be and you continue on without hesitation or apology, that is what you call upgrading. Freedom from our own mental imprisonment is life changing. Most of us don’t even know we are serving time, because we are mistaking it for living. Imagine that?!

“So make your life a little easier/When you get the chance just take control”

At some point in life, we have to know that the chance is a choice. We don’t have to wait for the right time or for the opportunity to present itself. We’ve just gotta decide that this is what we are going to do, and do it-take control! We cannot be fickle about it either. We have got to fall in love with the choices we make and view nothing before the moment as a regret. We lived it and if we didn’t love it or don’t love it any longer, it’s purpose was served. Gavel dropped, case closed, and walk away amicable. There’s no hard feelings when it comes to choosing you.

Another one of those blanketed lessons made us think that settling was an option, when in fact, it takes all the options off the table. Having options will forever be a non-negotiable. This does not make you disloyal, it makes you honest, and honesty is what most of us lack. We have been encouraged to lie to ourselves, to keep other lies intact. We have been manipulated into thinking that being in control is complacency, when in fact, it’s the opposite. Being in control has little to do with self satisfaction and doing nothing, but everything to do with checking and challenging oneself and doing what needs to be done.

If we want to be our best self, we have no other choice, but to take control.

Jonnelle B