We may all desire that old time love that our grandparents have (or had for those that have gone on to glory). It’s the “until death do we part” type love, the “I’ll make a way out of no way for you” love, the 62 years of marriage love; or so we perceive. We have no idea what trials and tribulations that were endured or if our grandmothers really wanted to stay with our grandfathers. We only know what we see and at times, looks can be deceiving. Before you go longing for that love of yesteryear, understand the variables.
Love Is A Choice
Love isn’t a feeling. Feelings are fleeting. You wake up each day and choose to love and honor your relationship. You make a conscious effort to respect the boundaries set and to continue to love your spouse or partner despite of their imperfections.
Compromise And Communication Are Key
The two most cited reasons for longevity is compromise and communication. It can not always be your way. Sometimes you have to allow your partner’s wants to be prioritized.
Fix It Instead of Replacing It
We live in a microwave society that requires things to happen immediately. We want a problem resolved as soon as we discover it. We want the real love without putting in any real work to get to know someone and understand who they are at their core. The older generation understood that. The issue we have is at the first sign of dismay, we run. We want to replace someone as soon as things do not go as planned. We negate counseling. We negate communication. We negate compromise.
This isn’t saying stay in a toxic marriage or relationship where you’re physically, emotionally and verbally abused. This is to say the small things can be worked out.
Grandma Couldn’t Sustain Herself
It’s great to celebrate 50 years of marriage. It looks and sounds wonderful, but if we really want to know how Grandma and Grandpa made it so long, it isn’t always because they valued their vows. When Grandpa possibly fathered that second family, Grandma may have wanted to leave, but couldn’t. You see, the options you have today were not the options your Grandma had. Women could not open a bank account until the 1960s. Women didn’t have birth control until May 9, 1960. A woman’s existence was based solely on her husband. Not to mention, credit, and gainful employment were other issues.