For children who grew up watching picture-perfect love stories in Disney films, the modern-day dating scene can be disappointing. There have been progressive developments, such as exploring non-monogamy and normalizing co-parenting so exes can move onto happier situations while focusing on their kids. However, online flings stemming from platforms like Instagram, Tinder and Hinge have replaced organic connections formed through chance encounters. While this certainly has its benefits, there’s a lot you can’t tell about a person while getting to know them through a screen, which is where things like birth order dating theory come in handy.
The idea is here to potentially save singles in 2024, but it originally dates back to the early 1900s. Here, we’ll dig into birth order dating theory, how it’s manifested in celeb couples, and what it might look like for your personal dating life.
What Is Birth Order Dating Theory?
The origins of ‘birth order theory’ in general, without regards to dating, was brought to light by Alfred Adler in the early 20th century. Alfred Adler observed that “children may have certain traits depending on where they fit into the family based on when they were born.” The Austrian psychiatrist suggested that eldest kids take charge, middle children crave attention and affirmation, and the babies of the family are rebellious thrill-seekers. The only children out there, meanwhile, are perfectionists according to Adler’s theory. He believed this could influence a person’s personality, career and their relationships with others – this is where birth order dating theory comes in handy.
It’s easy to see how this theory eventually evolved to the current stereotypes about birth order. Cosmopolitan reminds us of “Eldest Daughter Syndrome,” another online trend poking fun at firstborn females who tend to neglect themselves to take care of others. Generally speaking, middle children are known for having chronic people-pleasing habits and the youngest are shameless attention speakers.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and to birth order dating theory in general, but TikToker Toni Tone made some interesting points when she went viral back in March. “Unions of individuals with different birth orders are generally more successful than unions of individuals with the same birth other,” the creator shared.
Tone cited research from Dr. Kevin Leman’s “How Birth Order Affects Marriage” study, which declares, “Firstborns rule, middleborns mediate and lastborns charm.” He believes that two oldest children in a partnership are more likely to break up over regular disagreements. Interestingly, the highest divorce rates are between two only children who may both be fighting for attention. On the other hand, the most successful marriages (according to Leman) are between a firstborn, like Tom Holland, and the youngest child of a family, like Zendaya. Here’s hoping the happy couple can prove the doctor right!
Social Media Users Share Their Experiences
As pop culture fanatics use the data to speculate about the demise of past celebrity couples, everyday people are sharing their experiences with birth order dating theory online. User @iammichailatyson is an eldest daughter who’s observed her natural preference for youngest sons with older sisters. “It makes so much sense that I have gravitated towards men that are looking for mothers and that the role I stepped into was mothering those men,” she reflected.
Coming from a male perspective, @Jordan_TheStallion earned millions of views after sharing his thoughts. Oldest siblings are “not great at communication” but “goal-oriented,” he said, while middle children are “quick to cut people out of their lives” because the attention can make them uncomfortable, though they make up for it with a great sense of humor. Jordan failed to mention people without siblings, but he did say that younger family members are typically “really talented at one thing” and “constantly need to be reassured that they are loved because they’re so used to being coddled.”
Which Siblings Pair Well, According to Birth Order Dating Theory?
So, if you want to put birth order dating theory to practice and ask your next Tinder match where they land in birth order, here’s which ones pair the best.
Typically, firstborns and lastborns are a great match. The eldest is used to taking care of others, and the youngest is used to being taken care of. Meanwhile, the youngest’s adventurous spirit will help balance out the eldest’s need for control. Only children and lastborns typically share that sense of balance, due to the similarities that only children share with both first and lastborns.
Middle children, according to birth order dating theory, link up well with the eldests of the bunch.
Has birth order dating theory played a role in your relationships? Let us know in the comments!