Historically, humans have traveled in groups. We relied on one another for everything from socialization to survival. Behaving in a way that was displeasing to the group could be the difference between life and death. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s important that the community approves of your actions as an individual. We’re still social creatures. But we don’t move in groups like that anymore. Community is less about proximity and more about those who offer support should you need it. Still, we’re hard wired to care about what people think of us. It’s natural. But as with so many areas of life, it’s about balance. Here are some signs you care too much about what other people think.
You Weigh too Many Opinions
When you have an important decision to make, like taking a job opportunity, relocating to a new city or trying a new hair cut, you’re paralyzed with indecision. Instead of seeking your own counsel, making a pros and cons list and weighing your past life experiences to get to the truth of your feelings, you ask other people what they would do. While it can be beneficial to hear what other people have to say, no one can tell you what will be best for you better than yourself. If you’re the expert, why are you giving so much credence to what others think.
You Go Against Your Own Intuition to Follow Others
The danger of soliciting too many opinions is that if there is a general consensus, being overly concerned of what others think may have you following the majority. Following the crowd rather than doing what you know to be right for you is self betrayal. Going against your own intuition, even if it means making the popular decision, is usually a recipe for disaster.
You’re a People Pleaser
A people pleaser is often someone who avoids upsetting those around them, even if it means that their needs go unmet. They have problems establishing boundaries. They dodge conflict and sacrifice their own feelings for the sake of keeping the peace. People pleasers want to be seen as a “good” or “agreeable” person. Again, people-pleasing to this extent is another form of self-betrayal. Prioritizing the emotions and preferences of others over yourself eventually builds resentment and may make it incredibly difficult for you to tap into your truth.
You Struggle to Say No
The sign of a healthy relationship, whether platonic or romantic, is the balance of each party getting what they want. Any person who cares about someone else can recognize that they won’t always get what they want. That means hearing the word no and having the courage to say it. It’s an important skill. But caring too much about what people think will having you saying yes, even when you mean the opposite.
You’re Attention Seeking
Most people don’t like a braggart or someone who seeks attention at all times. So it almost seems counter intuitive that someone would go out of their way to be the center of attention. But people who crave the approval of others must constantly be doing something to get it. That can mean going out of your way to get back into the spotlight. Sadly, attention-seeking behavior may repel people more than it attracts them. Ensure when you step onto center stage, you’re doing it for yourself and not anyone else.