When I first started reading the details of Cassie Ventura’s testimony against Sean “Diddy” Combs, I knew it would be hard to take in. But I wasn’t prepared for the sickening ache that settled in my chest with every new detail. I found it difficult to wrap my head around what happened behind closed doors and in plain sight.
The idea that someone could be so adored publicly yet devastated privately keeps circling in my mind. I think about how young Cassie was when the relationship started. How much of her self-perception was shaped in those vulnerable, formative years. She probably thought she should feel lucky, loved and chosen. In reality, she was trapped.
What strikes me most is the helplessness. The image of someone being abused and utterly alone even while cameras flashed and music videos played.
The Pain in Commentary
Then came the comments.
Scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, the cruelty was unrelenting. I saw people, several of them women, say things like, “Well, she was grown,” or “She liked the money,” or “She could’ve left.” The dismissiveness and, at times, mockery felt like a second layer of trauma, this time delivered not by a partner but by the public.
Why are people so angry at Cassie? Why are they so determined to disbelieve her or worse, blame her? Even when there’s a video, indisputable footage of abuse, the comments still find a way to excuse it. That, to me, is the most horrifying part. The inability or unwillingness to see Cassie as a victim, even when evidence is there.
Understanding Grooming: It’s Not About Age, It’s About Power
Much of the disbelief surrounding Cassie’s case centers on the idea that she was “grown.” She was over 18, some argue. She had money, access and fame. Why didn’t she just walk away? But that’s not how grooming works.
According to experts, grooming is a calculated process where an abuser gains a person’s trust in order to control, exploit, or harm them often over a long period of time. It’s not about a person’s age or intelligence. It’s about psychological manipulation and dependency. Grooming often involves isolating the victim, distorting their sense of reality, and making them feel complicit in their own abuse. So much so that they no longer believe they have a way out.
Cassie was 19 when she got involved with a powerful, world-famous man nearly twice her age. He had control over her music, her career, and her body. Understanding this doesn’t require any mental gymnastics. It requires empathy.
The Need to Rationalize: A Defense Mechanism?
I’ve been thinking about why people respond this way. I don’t believe all of it comes from cruelty. I think, sometimes, it’s a defense mechanism.
If we can believe that Cassie somehow chose this path, or that she “must have liked it,” then it gives us distance. It makes us feel safer. If bad things only happen to people who “ask for it” or “stay too long,” then we can believe we’d never be in the same position. We wouldn’t fall for it. We’d be smarter, stronger and better.
It’s not unlike how some people rationalize police brutality by scrutinizing the victim. What did they do to provoke it? Did they resist? It’s a way of explaining the inexplicable, so we don’t have to feel vulnerable ourselves. But when we do that to women like Cassie, we’re not protecting ourselves. We’re participating in the very culture that silences and isolates victims.
The Algorithm Isn’t Helping
Social media makes this worse. Platforms have algorithms designed to prioritize engagement and nothing engages like outrage. I’ve noticed a pattern. The top comment is almost always the most polarizing and extreme take. In the case of Cassie’s testimony, it’s often one that critiques or blames her.
A recent study from the Knight First Amendment Institute at Columbia found that “content that sparks divisiveness and emotional arousal tends to receive more engagement and is therefore more likely to be amplified by recommendation algorithms.” That means the cruelest takes often rise to the top. Not because they’re the most insightful, but because they keep us scrolling.
I realized I needed to log off when I noticed how these patterns were affecting my mood. The constant barrage of harshness and the absence of grace started to feel like too much.
To the Women Who Feel It Too
I know there are others who feel sick reading the news, and then sicker reading the comments. Those who thought they were just “staying informed” and now feel emotionally raw. You may not post about it, but I know you too are silently pained by the reminder of how cruel the word can be.
It sounds simple but I highly suggest you try to avoid the little comment bubble that can be so tempting. I recently found out that combing through the comments isn’t a norm for everyone. My sister and husband shared with me that they rarely read the views of others on social media. I was surprised but also moved to give it a try. The Cassie testimony is a great time to start. Protect your peace. Close the app. Stop reading the commentary that was never meant to heal or help you. Trust your gut about what feels wrong, and don’t let the internet erode your empathy.
We don’t need to process this through the lens of people who refuse to believe what is right in front of them. We already know what we saw and what we feel. That is enough.