As I was looking over my journal entries from throughout this year, I realized that this year was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I had very high expectations for myself after graduating college, goals that I needed to check off my list. Eager to live life on my own terms and time, chasing a dream, and rushing the process. Turning 25 did not make it any better because that placed more pressure on my idea that I need to run faster. I was also not happy with myself, my social life, and my relationship with God. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and creating plans that did not involve God. I kept reminding myself to do things differently this year, and involve God in my plans. There is no use in doing something the same way and expecting different results; that is insanity. It does not work and will never work, simply because you are not learning from the previous mistakes. I love to share what I learned with other people, so they can avoid mistakes that I’ve made. Yes, we still have a few days left in December, but I like to think of this month as a month of reflection and to be grateful for all that has happened. So, I decided to share a few things that I’ve learned and put into action this year.
After God, I come first! I should be doing things that bring me joy. Likewise, it is okay to say no to anything/anyone that does not bring me joy. Easier said than done, I was the type of person that hated to disappoint people. I always tried my best to make people happy but you have to understand that it is okay to say no. That same energy that I was giving to other people should have gone towards myself. When I started to say no to things that were not my responsibility or things that I did not want to do, it made me happy and gave me more time for myself. My relationship with other people changed for the better because I established my boundaries and my friends respected those boundaries. This year also taught me that just because people come to me with problems does not mean that I must find a solution for them, I can help them, but I cannot carry their issues as if they are my own.
A different stage of life starts after college; it is called adulting. I was able to find a decent entry-level job out of college, although it was not within my career field, I was happy to have a job with a good salary. Fast-forward to almost a year within that job, I realized how much I settled for something that I did not want to do anymore. Every day while on my way to work a voice in my head kept asking me “How long are you going to do this?” I knew I needed to leave my job, but I was scared that I wouldn’t find another one. I became worried that I may never find a job within my career then I just started doubting myself. Again, I had to remind myself that I needed to do things differently this year; trust God, and stop holding on to these false notions that I had created in my head. I know I am experienced, hardworking, and educated so why did I think that I could not find another job. A year into my job I decided to quit, not randomly, but strategically because chile these bills don’t stop nor pay themselves. I prayed and did a fast and by the grace of God I was able to find another job. My new job does not pay me as much as my former job did, but I know I made the right the right decision for myself. To be honest, I was just working at a stressful job because of the pay and I believed that if I stayed longer it would have gotten worse for me mentally.
Life will challenge you. The outcomes of those challenges can be growth depending on how you handle it. Overall, I think I had a pretty good year, I grew a lot, I made decisions that were bold and brave. It took time for me to get where I am mentally and it is going to take more time for me to advance towards the better version of myself. Trusting the process is a big part of my journey, for me, to trust the process means that I must trust God and not doubt myself. I am so grateful for what this year has taught me, I am very jovial, and I thank God for that and I thank myself for growing up.
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