When Shirley Varnae dropped her TikTok series titled “How I Invested Over 10k into My Dating Coach and Was Engaged in a Year,” she didn’t just spark conversation, she set the whole internet ablaze. From TikTok to Threads, people had questions, opinions, and side-eyes.
The biggest one? Why would someone pay $10,000 for a dating coach and still end up meeting their fiancé on Hinge?
What $10K Actually Bought Shirley Vernae
Vernae’s not alone in treating her love life like a luxury investment. Just like women spend money on therapy or personal trainers, Vernae saw a this as part of her self-growth toolkit.
Her coach, Anwar White, founder of Get Your Guy Coaching, wasn’t promising a red-carpet rollout of eligible bachelors. He wasn’t arranging candlelit dinners or surprise setups with hedge fund cuties. His work was more internal than that. According to Vernae, she walked away with tools to assess compatibility and a clearer understanding of her patterns. She also received a dating strategy that helped her filter through options intentionally.
She called it stepping into the role of “CEO of her love life.”
But as Vernae celebrated her engagement, confusion swirled online. People were baffled. If she found her man on Hinge, what did the $10K actually cover? Isn’t that what a matchmaker is for?
Dating Coach vs. Matchmaker: Clearing It Up
It turns out, a lot of people don’t know the difference between a dating coach and a matchmaker. If you’ve been thinking about hiring either, it’s time to unpack what each actually offers.
What Is a Dating Coach?
A dating coach is essentially a personal strategist for your love life. Their work is more about mindset, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence than setting up dates. A coach might help you understand your dating patterns, like why you’re attracted to certain types of people, why you keep ending up in unfulfilling situations, or how you might be unknowingly self-sabotaging your chances at love. They may guide you in crafting your dating app profile, advise you on how to communicate more clearly, and teach you how to date with intention. The core of their work is helping you become the version of yourself that’s ready to receive and sustain the kind of relationship you truly desire.
What Is a Matchmaker?
On the other hand, a matchmaker is more like a personal recruiter for romance. Instead of focusing on your inner growth, their job is to find and vet potential partners for you. They often work with a curated database of singles and act as a middleperson who arranges dates based on compatibility and preferences. If you’re someone who’s tired of dating apps or simply doesn’t have the time to swipe and screen, a matchmaker might make sense. Their goal is to bring quality options directly to you, cutting out the often exhausting process of searching.
While a dating coach helps you do the work on yourself and teaches you how to navigate the dating world with more clarity, confidence, and purpose, a matchmaker handles the logistics of actually finding people for you to date. One is more about inner transformation, the other about external access.
Which One Is Right for You?
It really depends on where you are in your journey. If you find yourself constantly dating but hitting the same emotional roadblocks, working with a coach might help you unpack the reasons behind those patterns. If dating feels like a chore, or if you’re in a high-demand career and simply don’t have the time to search, a matchmaker might be the perfect fit.
Some women choose to work with both: a coach to do the internal healing and strategy, and a matchmaker to handle the external matchmaking. Others find success with just one. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and that’s the beauty of it. Love isn’t a formula, it’s a process. Like any other area of growth, it sometimes takes guidance, time, and investment.