The colder weather ahead can pressure some people to couple up. However, marriage and family therapist Tiffany Hall urges Black women to decenter romantic relationships this fall.
As the season transitions from summer to fall, so do daily habits. The “hot girl summer” lifestyle goes out and lover girl fall comes in with the mission of finding a cold weather boo. Coined by many as “cuffing season,” fall and winter mark the time when people look to couple up with a partner.
“We tend to associate the colder months with shorter days and more time indoors, ” Hall told 21Ninety. “Lots of people are looking for someone to pass the time during this season.”
Instead of snagging someone for the sake of having somebody for the season, Hall encourages women to decenter that desire.
Why Should You Consider Decentering Romance?
Decentering romance isn’t the utter annihilation of romantic relationships. However, when your sole priority in life becomes finding “the one,” that’s harmful. Dating content this year on social media has skyrocketed, making the act of dating feel more daunting and confusing than ever. Popping the balloon videos, cautionary relationship story times, advice from self-proclaimed dating coaches, and 20 versus 1 videos have altered the reality of the dating landscape.
In her work, Hall helps people live more stable lives by proposing people decenter romantic relationships.
“Decentering romance requires you to lean into the life you’ve created for yourself, instead of waiting for a partner complete it,” she said.
To empower yourself in your dating journey and not succumb to the pressure of snagging a temporary fall/winter partner, try engaging in these decentering practices.
Engage In Community
A significant other is hardly the only relationship in your life. Hall suggested that people get to a point where they attend social events without the goal of finding a romantic interest. Engaging in community also means maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself, which involves pursuing your individual passions and hobbies.
“Investing in your own personal growth through therapy or coaching can help you to increase your self-confidence and relationship skills,” Hall said. “This not only helps you to be a better person, but helps you have more discernment when it comes to choosing relationships.”
Deprogram Your Mind
According to Hall, societal expectations have programmed women to think about love in an unrealistic way. In the event that certain romantic events don’t happen, many women feel insignificant and unhappy in their lives. Deprogramming your mind about what love looks like is important, as it opens you up to move through romance authentically. This looks like not making absolutes about romance.
Be Yourself In Your Romantic Relationships
Although created in jest, “cuffing season” for many people can feel overwhelming. The phrase sometimes puts an unnecessary amount of pressure on people to couple up with someone out of necessity. This often looks like texting back your ex who should’ve been left on read or dating someone you don’t actually like just to avoid loneliness. This also can look like feeling something is wrong with you because you’re single. These behaviors make it difficult to make decisions in romantic relationships, because you’re not being authentic. When you show up in romantic relationships as yourself, you’re inclined to make better decisions on your behalf.