Respect Boundaries, Please
Black women have consistently been on the receiving end of unwanted hair touching. The scene mostly always goes like this: a stranger approaches you and marvels at how “fun” your hair is. They then proceed to uproot their hands from the side of their body, spread their fingers across your head and examine your hair. Depending on your personality, you may either quickly jerk your head back and politely reprimand them or stand there in shock until the deed is done.
The point is, I have never understood why it is okay for people of other races to touch Black people’s hair. It is rude, tone-deaf, and just plain uncouth. Imagine walking up to a white woman, expressing that you love the texture of her hair, and then proceeding to reach for and twirl her brunette tresses in between your fingers. That scenario seldom happens and is awkward to imagine, so I am trying to figure out why it’s okay for other races to audaciously and unabashedly do it.
My Experience
A few months ago, I was at a social gathering, and I had 45-inch lilac-colored braids in. After the event, I made my way towards the door when a middle-aged white woman stopped me and struck up a conversation. I had never met her before, but I was engaging in cordial conversation with her. She then mentioned that she loved my hair and reached out to touch it. In hindsight, I don’t know if my reaction was unconscious or not, but at that moment, I instantly jerked my head in the other direction. There was an awkward silence for a millisecond as the woman dropped her hands to her side. I smiled at her and told her to have a great week as I walked to the door, fuming. At that moment, I had to walk away from the situation, but looking back, I wish I could have told her: “Don’t touch my hair. Like, ever,” but I walked away instead.
Respect is Key
Many Black women have experienced this at one point and have all expressed exasperation at their experiences of people touching their hair and the shallow comments that follow. We get it, our hair is beautifully versatile and evokes a lot of emotion, but there are more respectful ways to show admiration. A simple and sincere “I love your hair.” will suffice.
The CROWN Act is making headway and becoming a phenomenal force, but nuances like hair touching are some gray areas that are not often talked about.
There is nothing more decent than maintaining physical boundaries, and randomly touching a stranger’s hair is a big violation of that boundary. People are different, and how they respond to physical boundaries can vary. It is better to share a compliment and move on. If the lady who tried to touch my hair at the social event caught me on a wrong day, I might have told her off, so people’s expressions differ. All in all, the next time you see a Black woman out with vibrant hair, don’t just assume that it’s okay to start touching her hair as though she is an object or animal.
In the words of Solange Knowles: Don’t Touch My Hair