Philtrina Farquharson remembers what money looked like growing up, not in dollar amounts, but in arguments.

“I grew up watching my parents, married for over 30 years, argue constantly about money,” she said. “That was 90 percent of their arguments.”

Those moments shaped her understanding of money early. As the youngest of five in a household where frugality reigned, she learned how to distinguish between wants and needs. But the emotional residue of scarcity stuck around. Budgeting in adulthood was less about spreadsheets and savings and more about confronting the past.

“It serves as a reminder to build something better and more stable than what I had,” Farquharson said.

For many Black women like Farquharson, money is rarely just about money. The object that supposedly makes the world go round is also bound up with safety, freedom, and survival. Budgeting can carry deep emotional weight. Behind the numbers lies a lifetime of inherited beliefs, family dynamics, and hard-earned growth. Yet, the feelings that come with budgeting, like shame, pride, anxiety, and the hunger for control, often go unspoken.

Farquharson knows that duality intimately.

“Honestly, I respond to slip-ups with self-criticism,” she admitted. “I know better now, so repeating old patterns feels like I’m not breaking the cycle my family was stuck in.”

Rewriting the Script

Tianna Hollaway’s early understanding of money was rooted in structure and survival. Raised by parents who transitioned from the military to 9-to-5 jobs, she was taught that money was for needs, not wants.

“Entrepreneurship wasn’t even on the radar,” she explained.

So when she launched her own creative business overseas in London, the leap felt both professional and emotional. She had to unlearn the idea that money should only be managed for survival. As she built a budget on her own terms, she made space for joy alongside necessities. The shift was gradual and at times uncomfortable, especially in a culture that prizes hustle.

“I try to respond with grace,” she said. “Sometimes the splurge is part of a moment you needed. Even if it wasn’t planned.”

Budgeting became a mirror, not of failure, but of growth.

“It made me more honest with myself,” Hollaway said. “At first, I was frustrated by choices I made in my early 20s. But budgeting forced me to slow down and be intentional about the kind of life I want to build.”

Budgeting Without Austerity

The concept of budgeting was always tied to control and conservatism for Tennessee Watt. She grew up in a family of accountants and technologists, where the emphasis was on saving, avoiding debt, and staying financially “safe.”

“Debt was something risky that had to be repaid quickly,” she recalls.

But once she entered business school at Wharton, her perspective evolved.

“I started seeing debt not as something to avoid, but as a tool,” Watt said. “Budgeting became less about controlling every dollar and more about supporting my ambitions.”

Rather than viewing budgeting as deprivation, she reframed it as intentional design.

“My budget isn’t about cutting,” she explained. “It’s about prioritizing across time, money, and attention.”

Her approach now reflects freedom, optionality and intentional experiences. Her emotional response has also shifted.

“I respond with curiosity,” she said. “If it was impulsive, I try to understand what drove it, stress, distraction, FOMO, and then I adjust. I don’t judge myself harshly because I operate within a bigger, intentional plan.”

Healing Through Intentionality

For all three women, budgeting became emotional labor, personal reflection, and a tool for agency. Farquharson noticed a tangible shift in her mental health once she took control of her finances.

“I worried less and felt more confident because I was finally in control,” she said. “It helped me think beyond surviving the week. I started setting long-term goals, and I began caring for myself more thoughtfully.”

For Hollaway, the clarity she gained helped her make one of the hardest but most grounded choices of her adult life. She decided to move back home from London.

“It was one of the hardest choices I’ve had to make, especially after years of living independently overseas,” she said. “But it was the most responsible one at the time, financially, emotionally, for the bigger picture.”

And for Watt, budgeting now feels like a creative act rooted in vision rather than fear.

“I don’t obsess over every slip,” she said. “Before any spreadsheet, I had to get honest about what I value now, in five years, in ten. Budgeting became less about constraint and more about clarity of intent.”

From Scarcity to Stewardship

The emotional side of budgeting is messy, nuanced, and often overlooked. But for Black women especially, it’s essential to acknowledge. While budgeting is a priceless tool for managing money, it is also a reflection of how people see themselves. That includes what they believe they deserve and how they define freedom.

Healing a relationship with money doesn’t begin with apps or cutting lattes. The true start is with compassion, curiosity, and a commitment to self-honesty. Those working to make a change with how they interact with money should work to redefine wealth. Joy, rest, and intentional growth even when debt exists or goals are still in progress should all be a part of the journey.

“Budgeting helped me build something more stable than what I had,” Farquharson said. “It gave me power.”