How many times have we put in the effort to understand our love language or our partner’s love language? We take the tests to find out which archetype we align with and spend a considerable amount of time explaining to the people in our lives how to effectively express love to us and how we can express love to them. 

While understanding love languages is incredibly important, just as important is the understanding of our apology language; or how we receive and effectively communicate an apology. Understanding this facet of ourselves individually is key to having a successful relationship. There are five languages of apology according to Gary Chapman, Ph.D., and Jennifer Thomas. In an article published by Cosmopolitan, the importance of knowing your apology language is discussed.

  • Expressing regret (“I feel ashamed for how I hurt you.”)
  • Accepting responsibility (“I was wrong for doing that to you.”)
  • Genuinely repent (“I can only imagine how much pain I caused, I am so sorry. I won’t do that again. Next time, I will do _____ differently.”)
  • Making restitution (“This is how I will make it up to you _____.”)
  • Requesting forgiveness (“Will you forgive me for letting you down?”)

Relationship expert Amy Olson, states, “People speak different apology languages and it’s important to understand them to not only gain a deeper understanding of your partner but also to yourself. Misunderstandings may creep in if you and your partner have different apology languages. The only way to avoid them is to know each other’s type and act on it whenever the need arises.”

Leela R. Magavi adds, that knowing the apology language will help “individuals apologize in a manner in which all parties feel heard and valued.”

Just as two people have to compromise with their love language, the same applies here. Certified clinical psychologist Janet Brito implores us to, “seek to understand and make an intention to practice each other’s apology languages as a means to become closer and heal together” because it is necessary if you want to make amends, repair the injury, and grow together.”