The concept of self-improvement and better dating practices is more popular than ever. Self-proclaimed dating coaches, unsolicited dating advice videos and books about dating are readily available for Black women, even when they aren’t seeking it. This content is often judgmental, unrealistic and overwhelming. However, one popular theory may offer some insight into dating and self-development that comes from none other than you.
The frontal lobe development theory suggests that once you turn 25, a specific part of your brain develops to help you with decision making, controlling impulses and working memory. These are all things that would naturally make you better at life, and romantic relationships.
“You see that frontal lobe thing that everyone talks about? That s— is serious!” Awa Cham, a Black woman fashion, beauty and lifestyle content creator said in a TikTok video about the topic in 2024. The video remains the highest viewed on her page, with over 4 million views. The hashtag #frontallobe also has over 29 million views and counting.
Cham and millions on social media aren’t the only people stamping the theory as truth. Scientists and medical professionals seemingly don’t think the frontal lobe theory is pseudoscience. “The development and maturation of the prefrontal cortex occurs primarily during adolescence and is fully accomplished at the age of 25 years,” a 2013 report from the National Library of Medicine read.
Here’s all to know about Cham’s frontal lobe developing and how it changed everything in her life, especially her approach to dating.
When Awa Cham’s Frontal Lobe Developed
Most people claim their frontal lobe developing was either an instant switch to sanity. Cham, however, explains the process was somewhere in the middle between an epiphany and a gradual change. She explains the year of her 25th birthday in 2023 was filled with several challenges, but she approached them with a sudden different perspective.
“So much had happened to me that year I turned 25,” she said. “I moved out of my toxic family home. I was in a relationship that ended really badly. There was so much trauma. I’ve experienced really difficult moments, but this was different. It was almost as if my brain just clicked,”
In 2023, the same year she turned 25 years old, Cham experienced a mental shift. She was internally motivated to deal with her circumstances in a different way.
“Usually, the younger me would wallow in my sorrows,” she said. “I was able to process things in a much healthier way and have a different outlook and perception. There was more positivity there, and more of a sense of equilibrium.”
Awa Cham’s Signs Her Frontal Lobe Developed
Along with a better outlook overall, Cham noticed smaller changes after turning 25. The inconspicuous details were some of the main factors that convinced her the frontal lobe development theory was real. Cham mentioned better discipline, more positive self-talk and better equipped to stand firm with boundaries.
“It’s easier for me to do things, even if I’m tired or mentally exhausted,” she shared with 21Ninety. “I still have moments where I can’t be bothered to do stuff. But I’m like, ‘Just do it now so you can have fun later.'”
Cham’s experience tracks with the National Library of Medicine’s explanation of what the pre-frontal cortex is responsible for. In 2023, the information center mentioned this part of the brain handles decision making, reasoning, and personality expression.
“Now, I’m able to set boundaries, put myself first and be more resilient, she said. “Sometimes, I have moments where I’m like ‘I don’t want to see the world right now.’ But then I’m like ‘you know what? I can get through this.'”
How Did Awa Cham’s Frontal Lobe Development Affect Dating?
The frontal lobe development theory is mainly going viral on social media because of the maturity it supposedly brings to the dating scene. Several women claim they feel more empowered to date boldly after tuning 25.
Cham agrees with the sentiment, but approaches dating entirely differently now. Instead of feeling motivated to date more, the content creator explained how post frontal lobe development inspired her to de-center dating.
“I love myself more and I’m more selfish, not in a bad way, but like I’m finally putting myself first, because my brain understands that that’s what is necessary for my growth,” she said.
After her breakup in 2023, Cham felt a strong pull to put herself in the center of her own life. Instead of attaching to another person post-breakup, the influencer sat with the feelings, processed them and healed internally before jumping into another relationship.
“I knew I had to focus on myself. In the past, I would have tried to fill the void by becoming infatuated with somebody else,” she said. “Pre-frontal lobe development, I would’ve found some sort of distraction. But this time around, I face my issues. I’m working on myself,” she said.