Sexual dynamics in a relationship play a big role in maintaining a healthy connection between partners. While self-care is often encouraged in the bedroom, there is one question that rests on many people’s minds: is it bad to be greedy in the bedroom?
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Kasey King asserts that there’s fine like between what’s acceptable and what’s not. While greed may sometimes be necessary in the bedroom, she believes that it can easily turn into the act into a one-sided affair.
“An example of one-sided [intercourse] is [when] a male … reaches an orgasm, falls on his back, and that’s it,” she explained to 21Ninety. “Where does that leave the woman? Sadly, this common occurrence leaves only one person feeling fulfilled and the other often feeling used.”
Is It Greed or Self-Care?
Being selfish in the bedroom is essentially prioritizing one’s own needs and desires over the satisfaction of a partner. It’s a focus on personal pleasure without considering the mutual nature of a romantic relationship. Bring greedy in the bedroom can lead to issues within your relationship. When couples come to King for help, her goal is always to assist them in finding a way to satisfy and meet each other’s needs. She always leads with asking the couple how they care for themselves outside of the bedroom.
“We can’t ask for someone to care for us, if we aren’t willing to commit the same to ourselves,” King said. “What makes personal satisfaction great is you have the ability to not only learn self-pleasure, but [also] communicate with your partner.”
Communication is key when it comes to feeling fulfilled in the bedroom. There has to be room for honesty, free from judgment. A healthy balance of sexual satisfaction for both you and your partner depends on understanding and trust.
Communicating Your Bedroom Needs
When faced with a partner being greedy in the bedroom, it is important to express your needs. Avoid dancing around the issue, and be clear about your expectations. Choose a moment outside the bedroom to have an open and honest conversation, where you can voice your concerns.
King recommends using statements, like “my needs are not getting met,” to express to your partner that things have started to feel more one-sided in the bedroom. Words matter, and there is a way to express the issue without hurting your partner’s feelings. They show your partner that you care, while avoiding directly pointing fingers. The end goal is to be pleased in the bedroom, and King says that it’s important to be collaborative.
She noted that conversations where people are talking about what they need respectfully are happening more now. She admires the societal shift on normalizing pleasure. When it comes to navigating these conversations, King advises couples feel comfortable and invite their desires into the conversation.
“I have three favorite words in therapy: intentional, consistent and we,” she said. “If we are having a conversation about our sexual desires, then we are [not] discussing selfishness.”