There were some intense days where I felt like my happiness was invalid and that it deserved to be.
I must admit, I have always been the girl who didn’t know how to eloquently validate her happiness, nor did I understand that it was okay for me to smile…even just a little bit. It has always been hard for me to understand my worth in my own right and when I tried, an immense amount of guilt overwhelmed me. Let’s just say that digging my way out was increasingly difficult and the occasional pity party was no stranger to my space and was often a guest at my table.
Eight months before I was set to graduate, I had a revelation. I had a choice that I needed to make, which was to change my life, right then and there. Time was ticking and I could not wait and eventually, I began to accept that I can have good things too.
However, every day there was a fear that my mistakes, though minor were so much larger than my triumphs. I let this fear trap me. And even though I knew these moments were temporary, they lasted as if time was standing still. It was not until I opened up to my sisters in my organization that I was reaffirmed that I had given all that I could to this position and that I should not feel like a quitter for moving on. But to anyone who is empathetic and a nurturer, letting go is not always so easy but can be learned through time, affirmations and hard lessons.
You Deserve to Take Up Space
This concept, though simple, is the most important when you are always so hard on yourself. You are doing the best with what you have, and I promise that is enough. When good things begin to happen to you, try to practice mindfulness and understand that your blessings are coming your way for a reason. We have to get to a point where we accept both the good and not just the bad. Life should not be a boxing match between two aggressors.
Life and Death are in the Power of the Tongue
I think no one in this world has more power over your life other than God, so do not allow words to inhabit more pain on you than they should. Yes, they hurt but do not allow someone else's pain to make a home in your heart, your worth is so much better than the "mean girl."
Are You Happy?
Listen, we will never be 100% happy 100% of the time, but how are most of your day spent? Do you agonize over your failures more than your triumphs? Or maybe you're like me where you continuously replay failed scenarios in your head, trying to make sense of them until they spiral out of control. If so, grab your journal and some sticky notes and turn this thing around. No, it's not an overnight process but it is a process. Create the environment that you wish to feel. Fill your space with positive words, scriptures, quotes or whatever gets your confidence back.
So to the girl (no matter how young or how old) who has managed to transcend her physical body and precious space through time, you deserve to be here and good things should happen to you.