In a fast-paced society, it is easy to fall victim to the hustle and bustle of life. On social media, we’re constantly seeing hashtags such as #grinding, #hustle and #teamnosleep, and so many of us wear them as a badge of honor.
This used to be me until I found myself being forced out of my home by the police and into the psychiatric unit. What? Me? I never thought I’d end up in a place where I was told only crazy people go. I remember saying to one of the staff members at the hospital, "I do not belong here. I have a bachelor’s degree from Howard University and master’s degree from Georgetown University."
"I guess this means I am crazy too," I thought to myself. I couldn’t wrap my head around being educated, having my own car, apartment, family and friends who love me and being locked in a place that felt like jail. Honestly, I didn’t realize how sick I was until the psychiatrist asked me the day of the week, date, and month, and I had no clue.
I am an extremely goal-oriented person. I don’t simply talk about my dreams — I go after them. However, that does not mean I cannot take breaks to replenish myself.
Scrolling through social media made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough, and if I took a break it meant that I wasn’t working hard. I found myself in a hamster wheel where I wasn’t taking time to sit with my thoughts and emotions. I felt like the energizer bunny – constantly going after my dreams and working to pay my bills and debt without stopping to take care of myself.
I felt like so many other people who walk around being busy instead of actually being productive. I didn’t know what the term self-care meant, especially since so many people limit the concept to manicures, pedicures and massages. What I found is that self-care isn’t just limited to those superficial things, but instead, it’s about self-preservation.
Self-care is what feeds your mind, body and spirit. It is setting boundaries, exercising, having a well-balanced diet, journaling, therapy, having healthy relationships, reading books and sleeping. What good is a manicure, pedicure or massage if you are depressed, empty and broken from trauma?
Where did we get this brilliant idea that the less you sleep and take breaks, the more successful you’ll be? I attribute it to the dominant American culture, and for black people, some of it is linked to being oppressed and having to work twice as hard just to get half of what our oppressors have. It is ingrained in us.
There was a time when older generations worked themselves to the bone to provide for their families and overcome racism and oppression. Many of them felt like they did not have time for a mental breakdown, or just wrote it off as the blues instead of a mental health condition. They prayed to Jesus and pushed through.
Many African Americans identify as Christian, and 50% of African Americans attend church services weekly, according to a Pew Research Center study. We believe that just attending worship services, reading devotions, fasting, listening to gospel music, participating in ministries and listening to sermons will help us during difficult seasons of life. Previous generations did not have the luxury of therapy, so church became their therapy. While I certainly contribute my relationship with God to being healthy mentally, I also contribute it to addressing my trauma, depression and anxiety disorders, learning my triggers and developing coping strategies in therapy.
One of the many ways to take care of your mental health is to sleep and take breaks, as sleep is needed for us to function at our maximum capacity. According to Heathline, a lack of sleep contributes to memory issues, weight gain, a weakened immune system, increased risk for diabetes, high blood pressure and many other health problems. And yet, we wonder why depression, obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure rates are so high in the black community. These illnesses are not just limited to the foods we eat. I now realize that the concepts of #grinding, #hustle and #teamnosleep are ridiculous and are truly killing us. It glorifies being a workaholic and the idea that taking breaks will limit your success.
It has been two and a half years since my experience in the psychiatric unit, and after coming home I have been in intensive therapy, on medication, and have learned to take care of myself. I refuse to work myself to the bone like my ancestors, and I’ve learned to take breaks and say no to replenish my cup. The scripture (Psalm 23:5) says "my cup runneth over," and I like to say that "What’s in my cup is for me and what runs over is for everyone else."
In this year alone, I accomplished more than I could imagine, including meeting Issa Rae and Jenifer Lewis at the NAACP Image Awards, having over 15 speaking engagements, starting a podcast and being featured on Good Morning Washington twice. On a smaller scale, I’ve read over 13 books this year. While reading books may not seem like an accomplishment to many, it’s forced me to pull away from social media, spend time with myself, acquire new information, slow down, process my emotions and sit in silence.
Most importantly, I have been rebuilding my relationship with God. In the past, I never took the time to pull away from the distractions and noise of life. Managing my mental illness is not easy, and I have to actively work on myself. However, I no longer deny myself sleep and rest in the name of success.
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