As the temperature rises, so does the excitement for new romantic endeavors. People often associate summer with soft flirtation, romantic rooftop vibes, and low-pressure dating. Don’t want to be tied down? Build a “summer roster”—a group of casual romantic interests.
“This is the best time to meet somebody, because everybody’s outside and in a group. You’re more likely to expose yourself to different types of men and experiences that you may not have thought about before,” licensed relationship therapist Vernique Esther told 21Ninety.
However, how do you do it with intention and clarity? According to Esther, the key to building a summer dating roster lies in honesty, emotional maturity, and strategy.
Define What You Want From Summer Dating
The first step to building your roster is getting honest with yourself. Before you step outside to mix and mingle with attractive people, figure out internally what you want.
“Before we get all excited and talk about having a rotation, What is your goal for dating? It doesn’t have to be super serious but you do have to know ‘What am I trying to get out of this?’ Esther told 21Ninety.
Self-awareness stops you from involvement in other people’s desires or timelines. In the same sense, it also helps you stay level-headed in the dating scene, ensuring you’re getting what you want out of that experience.
“As a therapist, I’m excited and want my clients to date. But, I also want them to know why they’re doing what they’re doing,” Esther emphasized. “Be very clear about what your dating goals are and the experiences you want to have. Then, be intentional with the type of people you’re engaging with.”
Taking time to reflect on what you need emotionally and physically is the first step to building a roster. For example, think about the type of men you want to meet and the type of interactions you want. This can include simple things like flirting across the room or inviting someone to buy you a drink.
Practice Radical Honesty — With Everyone
If the idea of dating more than one person at a time gives you anxiety, that may come from societal conditioning rather than real discomfort. Perhaps you’re feeling pulled to build a roster out of desperation for any type of partner instead of sheer curiosity for finding the one that’s right for you.
“Sometimes, you struggle with decision making because you’re scared to make the wrong one. That’s not a space that you want to date from, right? The rotational (roster) dating is not about finding the perfect option. You’re finding the most aligned option,” Esther shared.
One of the major reasons summer dating and the idea of a roster gets messy is that people aren’t upfront about what they’re doing. Clarity on the front end saves drama on the back end. Essentially, having a healthy dating roster requires radical honesty and sound decision making, without fear of hurting others.
Esther’s Tangible Tips for a Dating Roster
If you’re feeling stumped on where to begin action with creating your summer roster, Esther shared some helpful, unique tips. One was to create a visual, physical bingo card of your dream romantic experiences.
“This way, you have accountability, it’s fun, and you’re exposing yourself to new experiences that you might not have done otherwise because you didn’t have a plan,” Esther said.
The relationship therapist even suggested creating a dating bingo card with your friends to turn it into a fun summer activity.
Protect Your Heart and Keep It Fun
Lastly, Black women should enjoy dating without losing themselves in it. These days, dating content and self-proclaimed dating coaches make getting to know someone romantically feel like a chore.
Esther’s suggestion on cutting through the noise surrounding dating is to treat everyone, men and women included, like their human. Essentially, this means understanding that people come with vulnerabilities, flaws, and past experiences.
“If we date on a human level, then we’ll be more likely to have boundaries that stick. We’ll be more likely to show up as our true authentic self, won’t be scared of vulnerability, and be more likely to find and attract partners who are also humans trying to genuinely connect.”
The bottom line is, don’t act “closed off” or “too cool” to save face. Instead, just be yourself. The right dating roster should make you feel empowered and free, not guarded and confused.