When we truly love our friends, we want the best for them. Fulfilling careers. Exciting travels. Healthy, luscious hair. And partners that love and support them. But the truth is almost all of us will experience at least one romantic relationships that doesn’t serve us. When you’re in love, it can be hard to discern the truth. For family and friends however, watching a friend date and fall in love with less than ideal partners can elicit all types of emotions, everything from annoying to scary. But just because your friend has chosen poorly, it doesn’t mean that you want them out of your life.
If your friend’s partner sucks, here are five ways you can handle it.
Tell Her What You Believe She Deserves
Sometimes in the quest for companionship, your friend may find that she’s settled for someone who is not even meeting her standards. If you notice that her new boo is not honoring her or treating her in the way she deserves, you don’t have to make it about the lackluster partner. Instead, tell her that as your friend and an amazing person, you believe she should be honored in her relationships. She shouldn’t have to question her worth or value to her partner. It should be communicated in the way they treat her. Hopefully, it will help her notice the ways in which this is not present in her current relationship.
Inform Her of Negative Changes
Healthy and strong relationships bring out the best in us. We blossom and flourish as the most authentic versions of ourselves. Conversely, toxic relationships will have us shrinking ourselves. You may notice that your friend has abandoned some of her dreams and goals, devoting too much of her time and energy to things that don’t elevate her. A bad relationship can affect you emotionally, physically and certainly spiritually. If you’ve peeped the change, gently let her know. Ask her where the change may have come from. If she doesn’t link her change in demeanor and energy to her partner, ask if that person could be the reason for the shift.
Listen More Than You Talk
When your friend complains about what her partner has or hasn’t done, it can be easy to launch into a tirade, claiming they ain’t sh*t and demanding that they leave them right this instant. But in a relationship, there are usually some good moments to keep someone holding on. And you’re not privy to them. No one wants to hear you talking trash about the person they love. Listen as your friend communicates the problems in their relationship. Chime in if and when she asks for your opinion.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
You might consider distancing yourself from your friend as she navigates this tumultuous relationship. No one wants to see their friend mistreated. You don’t want to watch as she breaks up and makes up with an unworthy mate. But it might not be a bad idea to remain close just in case the relationship gets bad enough where she may need someone to intervene, help with an exit plan, or speak as a witness. Many abusive partners specialize in isolating their victims. If you stick around, it will be easier for you to step in if and when your friend is ready to leave.
Recognize that Everyone’s Journey is Different
We like to think that we all grow, develop and recognize certain universal truths at the same time. But that’s not how life works. Everyone is moving on their own, individual timeline. We can’t rush anyone to get where we are. Furthermore, just because something or someone might not be a good fit for us, it doesn’t mean that it can’t or won’t work out for your friend. If there is no abuse involved, you have to let people live their lives, complete with their choices. There’s always hope that the relationship may be for a season and not a lifetime.