Here’s How To Confront Lack of Intimacy In Your Partnership

Relationships are complicated. Even if you’re the most comfortable you could be with your partner, it’s easy to still find certain topics too awkward to approach. You may feel there’s a lack of intimacy, while your significant other may be perfectly satiated and oblivious. 

Regardless, it’s important to be communicative and compassionate when tending to this kind of rupture. Here’s everything you need to know regarding how to talk to your partner about lack of intimacy.

How To Talk To Your Partner About Lack of Intimacy

Clarify The Intimacy You Need 

It’s easy to blame a lack of physical intimacy on why you may be feeling a void in your relationship. However, investigating deeper, you may find that there are actually different needs not being met. Investigate your emotions and the root of your despair before bringing it to your partner. That way, instead of telling your them “We need more intimacy,” you can clarify what kind of intimacy you’re looking for, whether it’s physical touch, emotional connection, or quality time.

Be Honest

It’s hard to get anywhere without being completely honest. Even if it feels awkward, it’s important to be forward about everything you’re thinking and feeling. This leaves little room for gaslighting or confusion. You can still be gentle and compassionate, and opt to use “I” statements while being completely transparent about your truth. 

Listen Actively and Be Openhearted

Remember, you’re on the same team. Your mutual goal is to build a loving, healthy relationship. You want to make sure you hear your partner out, as there may be underlying reasons or trauma behind their avoidance. Many couples go through slumps following their first child, as the exhaustion and newfound parenthood can make intimacy difficult. Pay attention to your partner’s feelings and perspective without interrupting, and be willing to meet them where they’re at.

Be Solution-Oriented 

A conversation around lack of intimacy can very quickly become a blame game. It’s important to stay solution-oriented and focused on meeting each other in the middle, where both partners feel their needs and boundaries are being honored. If you find the conversation is veering into destructive territory, do your best to recenter. If necessary, it may also be helpful to seek out a therapist or unbiased third party to mediate the conversation.