The journey toward inner peace, while navigating the complexities of familial relationships, can be a winding road. Growing up, children seek solace and guidance from their parents. However, it can be frustrating when they happen to be the source of your pain and refuse to seek help.

Having a parent who won’t go to therapy can be challenging. This refusal can leave lasting scars, echoing through adulthood and negatively affecting the ability to forge healthy connections and find solace internally. Licensed psychotherapist Shani Philip helps people navigate through that journey of healing and self-discovery. She offers insights to her clients on how to find inner peace, in the midst of emotional turmoil from a parent who won’t go to therapy or take accountability for their actions.

Acknowledgment and Acceptance

There is profound impact on the wounds left by your parents.

“Let’s just start by acknowledging that it can be extremely painful and traumatic to be hurt by the same person who created you and was designed to guide and protect you physically and emotionally,” she told 21Ninety. “Acknowledgment and acceptance [is] the first steps.”

However, acknowledgment is only the beginning. Philip emphasizes the importance of recognizing your limitations when changing someone else’s narrative. “You can’t change someone who is committed to being stuck in their own narrative,” she said.

She advises people to focus on self-care, journaling and therapy to process emotions. Resources, like Alma, are great ways to “focus on yourself and let them work on them, while you work on you.”

Moving Onward

Setting boundaries becomes very important in maintaining a relationship while protecting one’s emotional well-being. Philip suggests transparent communication with parents, expressing needs explicitly and outlining consequences for boundary violations. Forgiveness also emerges as a central theme in the journey toward inner peace. Philip emphasizes viewing parents as flawed individuals with their own struggles and traumas.

“When you learn to view your parents as just human beings who are flawed …, you learn grace,” she reflects. “In the process of finding inner peace, it is important to prioritize yourself while also fostering compassion for your parents.”

However, Philip underscores that forgiveness does not necessitate reconciliation. She says the act is “more about lightening your burden” and “unloading some of the negative emotions caused by past trauma.” Her main goal is to help people move forward with their life through forgiveness.

During this journey toward inner peace, people may face guilt and conflict. Philip reassures everyone that prioritizing their own well-being is both acceptable and imperative.

“Taking care of yourself and putting yourself first is okay,” she affirms. “You are your greatest asset.”