There are many misconceptions floating around the black hole called social media about what parenting and motherhood should look like. The fact that #momshaming is a hashtag says a lot in and of itself.

While it’s amazing that there’s endless information for this parenting hack or that parenting tip, it can also reach a point of overload. 21Ninety spoke with IG influencer and minimalist mom, Alena Conley, about a few motherhood misconceptions worth debunking so you can focus on what truly matters – living a fulfilling life.

Myth No. 1: You Have to Do Everything At Once

Conley shares that a common myth is the belief that being a “good mom” or an “engaged and present parent” means accomplishing everything simultaneously during a single period of your life.

For instance, she says, you may think that in order to be a fulfilled and complete mother, you need to breastfeed, prepare fresh meals daily, exercise, read, read to my baby, travel with my children to expose them to different cultures, volunteer at their school, enhance intimacy with my partner, prioritize date nights, participate in the church greeting committee, lead a committee in my sorority and volunteer as a troop leader for the Girl Scouts.

“You have 18 years with your child to engage in all these enriching activities,” Conley said. “But here’s the reality: you don’t need to accomplish them all within a 12-month timeframe.”

For the first two years of motherhood, focusing solely on breastfeeding and exercising is entirely sufficient, she shared.

Myth No. 2: You are the Only One Capable of Doing Certain Tasks

When you find yourself overwhelmed by repetitive tasks, Conley explains that it’s beneficial to ask, “Am I the only person capable of doing this?” You should also consider whether or not this is the sole method to achieve the desired outcome and what would occur if you stopped doing this task altogether.

One exercise Conley suggests to complete is a “task dump,” where you jot down every single responsibility you have. Then, ask yourself if you are proficient at this task and if you enjoy doing it. If the answer to either question is no, then the task should fall into one of the following categories:

Entrust – Get someone else to do it
Streamline – Simplify the task to require fewer steps and less energy
Let It Go – remove the task completely

“By prioritizing essential tasks and minimizing unnecessary ones, parents can alleviate the pressure to meet unrealistic standards,” Conley said. “Streamlining responsibilities leads to a clearer mind, more manageable daily routines and increased opportunities for relaxation and self-care.”

Myth No. 3: More Things Equal More Joy

Mom’s happiness and health is good for a child. Sometimes, you are stretching yourself thin for things that don’t matter. What matters most is a stable home environment where you are talking to and reading to your kids. Conley explains that adopting a minimalist lifestyle can dramatically increase the space for moms to engage in self-care and pursue personal interests. Minimalism in this context means intentionally choosing to own fewer possessions and engage in fewer activities.

“A minimalist approach to life helps in setting healthy boundaries, thereby granting moms permission to prioritize their well-being without feeling guilty,” she said. “As a result, moms find they have more time, energy and resources to invest in activities that rejuvenate them.”

Minimalist Mom Debunks Common Parenting Misconceptions

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