The other day, I decided to rewatch the feminist horror movie Stepford Wives. In case you haven’t seen it, it’s the story of a community where all of the women are “perfect,” according to their husbands. For these men, these women are immaculately coiffed at all times. They’re incessantly agreeable and they devote their days to completing household chores, raising children and most importantly, catering to their men.
In the end, we learn these women aren’t entirely real. They’re a hybrid of robot and human with manipulated neurological structures. I watched the film and noticed that there were no prominent Black women in that community. Thank God. There are a few reasons for this. One, it’s a Hollywood film from the early 2000s and two, Black women aren’t usually constrained by the rules of femininity in the ways our White counterparts have been.
Black Women and Femininity
When Black people were brought to this country, we weren’t even considered human. So naturally, mainstream culture excluded Black women entirely from ideals and womanhood and femininity. Black women were seen as chattel, immune to pain and more masculine than White women.
This perception is obviously rooted in racism. Still, the fact that Black women haven’t had to be “feminine” in the same oppressive ways White women have, has shielded us from some of the realities of patriarchy. Black women have always been leaders in our communities. We had more ability to speak up in our homes, community organizations and institutions. And we’ve always worked, whether we wanted to or not.
While these labels of being “hard” and un-feminine are unfair and reductive, all people contain both male and female energy. For those of us who may be running from all of the masculine energy, trying to defy a stereotype, here are a few reasons why embracing your masculine side can be helpful.
Masculine Energy is Less Compromising
There’s nothing wrong with being flexible and amenable. There is certainly a place for these feminine traits. But every once in a while you need to stick to your guns. Expressing what you want, standing on your word is very important. When you’ve made a decision that you know is right for you, it’s important that you don’t waver, no matter what others may think or feel.
Strength Without Control
We’ve all heard the trope about the strong Black woman. These days, Black women are moving away from the label, choosing soft instead of strong. The problem with the strong Black woman is that it was the only descriptor we were offered. We need to relish in our complexities. Our softness and our strength. Strength does have to be obnoxious and overbearing. In fact, strength is often quiet in its power. Strength refers to our emotional fortitude, our convictions and in our resolve.
Masculinity Takes More Risks
Feminine energy values security. But the big moments in our lives come when we’re willing to take risks. You don’t have to do anything nonsensical or dangerous. Still, doing something that scares you but also feels right in your spirit is good for you. Keep things spicy.
Objectivity
When you have to make an important decision or are listening to a dilemma, it’s important to be able to take your emotions and biases out of the equation. Our emotions are great indicators. But they can also cloud the truth of a situation. Remaining objective helps you think and act logically.
Protective of Feminine Energy
Masculine energy is at its best when it is in service and protection of feminine energy. Hopefully you’ve seen and experienced that from the men in your life. Just because you’re a woman, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be protective of feminine energy. This means protecting the Black women and girls in your lives and also guarding the soft, nurturing parts of yourself in a male dominated world.