Romance isn’t dead. It’s just tired. Or, rather, those who are in romantic relationships are probably tired. With the stress of work, scaling the career ladder, working on that side hustle, doing Pilates, and then walking the dog and playing with the cat … it’s no wonder most of us are tired at the end of the day and just want to collapse on the couch. And look who is there on that couch beside you … your significant other. Perhaps we don’t know where to begin with connecting. If that’s the case and everything you just read sounds very, very familiar — you’re in the right place. “Let’s Get Deep” questions can take the stress out of where to start a conversation. They can also open up new avenues of conversation between you and your partner.
Where to start with these deep questions? How about in the beginning, the middle, or the end? It really doesn’t matter with these questions. What does matter is that both of you are willing to open up to each other with these starter questions. They are here to help deepen a relationship, as long as both partners are willing to get deep.
Try these on for starters and see where it takes you the next time you sit down on that couch.
Exploring Personal Values and Beliefs
Personal values and beliefs are just that — personal. These deep questions for partners, friends, or family members are excellent for digging deeper into how they feel about the world around them.
- What is the one value that guides your decisions above all else?
- How do you define success, and how has that definition evolved over time?
- What’s a childhood experience that shaped your worldview significantly?
- Are there any beliefs you held in the past that you’ve since changed? What prompted that change?
- What role does spirituality or philosophy play in your life, and how does it affect our relationship?
Uncovering Dreams and Aspirations
You know where they are now, but where are they going? If you want deep questions for the dreamers in your life, these are the ones to give a try.
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
- What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to learn or master, and why haven’t you pursued it yet?
- What’s your ultimate career goal, and how can I support you in achieving it?
- Describe a dream you’ve had that left a lasting impact on you.
- How do you envision your life in the next 10 years, and how do you see us fitting into that picture?
Reflecting on Emotions and Vulnerabilities
That’s right – it’s time to get emotionally vulnerable. While showing vulnerability can be difficult, especially for some people, there’s a good deal of value that can be assigned to opening up to someone you trust. It can strengthen your relationship, make you feel better about yourself, and maybe even help you work through a problem or two that you needed a new perspective on.
- What’s the biggest fear you’ve faced and overcome in your life?
- Share a memory that never fails to make you smile, no matter how many times you recall it.
- What’s a time you felt truly vulnerable, and what did you learn from that experience?
- How do you handle difficult emotions like anger, sadness, or jealousy?
- What’s a personal quality you’re proud of and one you’d like to improve?
Exploring Relationship Dynamics
What are we? It’s time to find out. These deep relationship questions will help you, and your partner, explore what you mean to each other and where things might be going.
- How do you envision us supporting each other’s personal growth while nurturing our relationship?
- What’s your preferred way of showing and receiving love? (Love languages)
- In moments of conflict, what approach do you believe is most effective for resolving disagreements?
- What are the most important aspects of a strong partnership, in your opinion?
- How can we keep the spark alive in our relationship as time goes on?
Sharing Personal Stories and Experiences
Not only do these deep questions help you get to know one another better, but they can also be a lot of fun. People love to talk about themselves and their own experiences.
- What’s a cherished childhood memory you often think about?
- Describe a pivotal moment that transformed your perspective on life.
- Can you recall a time when you faced failure or rejection and how it shaped you?
- Share a story of a past relationship, friendship, or experience that had a significant impact on you.
- What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from your past mistakes?
Discussing Family and Heritage
If you haven’t met their family yet, you might feel like you have after you dig into these insightful conversation topics with your partner. Learning about someone’s family not only teaches you about their personal history, but it can help you learn how that shaped them today. Plus, it’s always fun to get a little nostalgic and discover ways you and your partner might have had similar (or different!) experiences growing up.
- How has your family background influenced the person you are today?
- Are there any family traditions or values you’d like to carry forward in our relationship?
- What’s your favorite childhood tradition or memory related to your family?
- How do you envision blending our respective family cultures as we move forward together?
- What qualities from your parents or guardians do you admire and wish to embody in our relationship?
Reflecting on Personal Growth
These questions might get a little tricky ask and answer, depending on which side of the deep conversation you’re on. But, it’s always critical to look inward and not on appreciate the places you’ve already grown, but look for new avenues with your partner.
- What’s one self-limiting belief you’ve worked hard to overcome, and how did you do it?
- Share a book, movie, or piece of art that deeply impacted your perspective on life.
- How do you actively seek personal growth and self-improvement in your daily life?
- Describe a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and the lessons you gained from that experience.
- In what ways do you challenge yourself to be a better partner and individual?
Exploring Life’s Philosophical Questions
Bring out your inner philosopher! These deep questions for couples might bring out a sense of debate the likes of which you haven’t seen — and that’s not always a bad thing!
- What do you believe is the purpose of human existence?
- How do you define happiness, and what actions do you take to cultivate it?
- What role does love play in the grand scheme of life, and how does it shape our individual journeys?
- Reflect on a time when you questioned your beliefs about life, death, or the universe.
- What’s the most profound lesson life has taught you so far?
Discussing Travel and Adventure
Where do you want to go? Importantly, where does your significant other plan to go? Warning: these deep questions about travel and adventure may result in spontaneous trip planning.
- If you could live in a different country for a year, where would it be and why?
- Share an adventure or travel experience that pushed you out of your comfort zone.
- What’s the most breathtaking place you’ve visited, and what made it so memorable?
- How do you feel about unplanned, spontaneous trips versus well-organized ones?
- What type of adventures would you like us to embark on together in the future?
Exploring Creativity and Passions
Hobbies and passions can tell a lot about a person. Who knows? Maybe hearing about one of your partner’s hobbies will inspire you to get started with it too, leading to some great quality time between you.
- Describe a creative outlet or hobby that brings you immense joy and fulfillment.
- How do you handle creative blocks or moments of self-doubt in your creative pursuits?
- Share a project or goal related to your passion that you’re currently working on.
- How do you find inspiration in your everyday life, and how can we inspire each other?
- What’s a unique skill or talent you possess that not many people know about?
Discussing Mindfulness and Well-being
Doing a wellness and mindfulness checkin with your partner is a superb way to get an effective, productive conversation going. It’s always good to not only find out where your partner is at mentally, but to explore that for yourself, too.
- How do you practice mindfulness and stay present in a fast-paced world?
- Share a self-care ritual or practice that helps you recharge and maintain your well-being.
- Reflect on a time when you overcame a period of stress or burnout and the lessons you learned.
- How do you prioritize mental and emotional health, and how can we support each other in this aspect?
- What’s your approach to finding balance between work, relationships, and personal time?
Reflecting on Personal Achievements
When you’re discussing these questions, make sure that you’re also celebrating your partner’s acheivements, uplifting and empowering them.
- Describe an accomplishment that you’re particularly proud of, and the journey it took to achieve it.
- How do you define success in your personal life, and how has that definition changed over time?
- Share a time when you faced a major obstacle and how you managed to overcome it.
- What’s one thing you’ve achieved that your younger self would be amazed by?
- How do you celebrate your successes, big or small, and how can we celebrate each other’s achievements?
Exploring Technology and Its Impact
Technology is an unavoidable part of life in today’s society. Find out how your significant other feels about it and its role in their current day-to-day by asking these deep questions.
- How do you strike a balance between staying connected through technology and disconnecting for quality time?
- Reflect on a time when technology positively impacted your life or allowed you to connect with others.
- Share a moment when you felt overwhelmed by the negative aspects of technology and how you managed it.
- What’s your perspective on the role of social media in modern relationships, and how do you navigate it?
- How can we use technology to enhance our connection and communication as a couple?
Discussing Personal Heroes and Role Models
If you want to know who your partner is shaping themselves around, it’s time to learn more about their personal heroes and role models. Hearing more about lessons they’ve learned will in turn give you a window into their values and perspectives.
- Who are the individuals you look up to as personal heroes or role models, and why?
- Describe a figure from history or contemporary culture who has had a profound influence on your values.
- How do your role models shape the way you approach challenges and decision-making?
- Share a lesson you’ve learned from a role model that you believe can strengthen our relationship.
- How can we incorporate the qualities of our respective role models into our relationship dynamics?
Exploring Childhood and Nostalgia
You loved that show growing up? I loved that show growing up! It’s time to turn back the clock with some surprisingly deep questions about childhood and nostalgia to get the conversation going with your significant other.
- What’s your favorite childhood memory involving friends or family members?
- Describe a toy, game, or activity from your childhood that still brings you joy.
- Reflect on how your upbringing has influenced your preferences, communication style, and worldview.
- Share a lesson you learned as a child that you continue to carry with you.
- How can we integrate elements of childlike wonder and playfulness into our relationship?
Discussing Social and Cultural Awareness
Questions about social and cultural awareness can lead to insightful discussion, or disagreement. Remember that you might not see eye-to-eye on everything. This is a time to decide which values you can agree to disagree on, and which might be deal breakers.
- What are the most important social or cultural issues you’re passionate about and why?
- Share an experience that exposed you to the realities of inequality and injustice, and how it impacted you.
- How do you actively educate yourself about different cultures and perspectives?
- What role do you see our relationship playing in promoting understanding and positive change?
- How can we navigate conversations about sensitive topics while maintaining empathy and respect?
Reflecting on Health and Wellness
How do they take care of themselves? Discussing health and wellness can be tricky and sometimes upsetting depending on the other party’s personal experiences, so tread carefully.
- How do you approach physical fitness and overall health in your life?
- Share a time when you faced health challenges and how they influenced your perspective on well-being.
- What’s your philosophy on nutrition, and how do you maintain a healthy relationship with food?
- How can we motivate each other to prioritize health and wellness in our lives?
- Describe an activity or adventure you’d like to embark on that promotes physical well-being.
Discussing Personal Challenges
We’ve all got our own stories of overcoming the difficult parts of life. Dive into these questions about personal challenges to see what your partner’s been through to get to where they are today.
- Reflect on a time when you doubted your abilities, and how you eventually proved yourself wrong.
- Share a lesson you learned from a failure or setback that made you stronger.
- How do you navigate moments of self-doubt or imposter syndrome in your life?
- What’s your strategy for managing stress and overcoming challenges, both individually and as a couple?
- How can we support each other during times of difficulty and uncertainty?
Exploring Humor and Playfulness
After especially trying topics like social awareness and health, there’s no harm in a little levity between you and your partner. While these are sure to bring out the smiles, they’ll also tell you a lot about each other.
- What’s a joke or funny memory that never fails to make you laugh?
- How do you embrace humor as a coping mechanism during challenging times?
- Share a time when you turned a difficult situation into a lighthearted and memorable experience.
- How can we infuse more laughter and playfulness into our daily lives?
- What’s an inside joke or shared experience that always brings a smile to your face?
Reflecting on Gratitude and Positivity
Gratitude has a surprising benefit to mental health, so why not share some with your significant other? Ask these deep questions to figure out what they’re grateful for and how they manage to show that gratitude.
- How do you cultivate gratitude in your life, even during challenging moments?
- Share a time when practicing gratitude shifted your perspective or improved your mood.
- How can we express appreciation and acknowledge each other’s efforts in our relationship?
- What’s something you’re grateful for about our relationship that you haven’t shared before?
- How can we continue to nurture a positive and appreciative attitude toward each other and our life together?
“Let’s Get Deep” questions have one simple goal: get to know each on that next level. The point is not to ask and answer but to truly listen and understand. Engaging in these conversations can lead to profound insights, deeper connections, and a stronger bond between you and your partner. So, carve out the time, create a safe and supportive environment, and embark on this adventure of self-discovery and relationship growth. Your journey into the depths of each other’s hearts and minds will undoubtedly be a transformative and enriching experience.