We planned it; we were anticipating the new addition. So incredibly excited, we shared the news prematurely. Then it happened. It was followed by the quarantine of shame in a deafening silence. I was trying to figure out if I had worked too hard, if my fibroids caused this, or was it because of my obsessive need to keep my floors clean?
What did I do wrong?
Sis, if you are reading this, please know you are not alone. Not by a long shot. Whether it is your first experience, one of few, or one of many, miscarrying at any stage can be devastating. So how do you cope? How do you pick up the pieces and move forward? Do you cry, sulk, breathe, and then repeat?
Solange sang "Cranes in the Sky," a melodic tune about drinking it away, putting one in the air, dancing it away, and changing her hair. Yes, she was talking about a relationship gone wrong, but it was also about circumventing loss.
So, do what you must because there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Here's what helped me throughout my healing process.
- Grieve. Whether it's four weeks or four months, acknowledge your pain and sit with your feelings.
- Seek counsel.
- Use this time as an opportunity to gain an understanding of you and your partner's body and medical history.
- If you choose to try again, create options for the next go around. (Ex: natural, IVF, adoption, surrogacy, etc.)
- Self-care is a must.
It is easy to become envious of those who appear to have accomplished something you have worked so tirelessly to achieve. The good news is this does not have to be the end all be all. One day you will cry less. You will enjoy the warmth of the summer sun and the cool breeze of fall. The silence will become less deafening, and you'll find peace in stillness.
Until tomorrow, there's a new day that awaits you and better days that lie ahead.