Last year, when my first Mother’s Day rolled around, I didn’t wait for anyone to plan something for me. I told my husband exactly what I wanted: a hotel room by myself for the night before.
At seven months postpartum, I was exhausted in a way that words can’t quite capture. Our baby still woke up through the night, and my body, mind, and spirit were worn thin. While I appreciated the gorgeous flowers my husband got me, I realized what I really needed was rest. I was longing for silence and a break. So I asked for one.
I checked into the hotel on Saturday evening, took myself out to dinner, and returned to the room to lounge, watch TV, talk on the phone, and do nothing. I slept through the night uninterrupted and guilt-free. It was, at that stage in motherhood, revolutionary.
I still spent Sunday, the official Mother’s Day, with my husband and son at a fancy brunch. But I remember how hard it was to enjoy the meal with a squirmy baby who still prefers mommy over anyone else. I didn’t want to make a scene by insisting my husband take over, and the setting didn’t feel right for letting our child run around. Still, because I had claimed space for myself the night before, I felt grounded. Not resentful. Just realistic.
The Mother’s Day Alone Tradition
This year, I’m doing it again and then some. I’ve added a spa day to my Saturday plans before I check into my hotel. On Sunday, instead of a traditional Mother’s Day brunch outing, we’re heading to Your 3rd Spot in Atlanta. It’s a relaxed, kid-friendly venue where my son can explore freely and my husband can take the lead while I hang back and enjoy the moment. I specifically asked for this type of environment after last year’s learnings. Since Saturday will be all mine, I’m fine with Sunday being more child focused at least in these early years of parenting. I know how to pick my battles and a kid-friendly Mother’s Day Sunday is ideal for me at this point.
A Lesson in Knowing Your Needs
What I’ve learned is Mother’s Day can and should look however you want it to. There’s no rulebook. While there’s plenty of societal messaging telling us we should want to spend every second of the day with our kids, that doesn’t reflect the full truth of motherhood. According to a 2023 Motherly survey, 58 percent of moms said what they really wanted for Mother’s Day was time to themselves. Not brunch or a new robe. Just space.
Yet, asking for that space often feels radical. Many of us still carry the belief that a “good” mom is one who puts herself last, even on the day meant to celebrate her. But I’ve learned that the most powerful thing I can do for myself, and in many ways for my family, is to ask for what I need. No one can read your mind. When you advocate for yourself, you set a model not just for your kids, but for other moms who might be waiting for permission to do the same.
That first Mother’s Day gave me more than a good night’s sleep. It gave me a blueprint. Since then, I’ve been working to carry that same self-advocacy into my daily life. I speak up when I need a break. I step away when I’m feeling burned out. I remind myself that rest is a right not a reward. I’m still learning and unlearning, but I’ve seen the impact small moments of reclaiming space can have on my mental health. And I know for a fact I’m better for it.
Unapologetic Self-Advocacy
Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be about self-sacrifice. It can be about self-connection. Maybe that looks like a solo retreat, a quiet morning walk, or brunch with the chaos dialed down. Maybe it’s family time with clear boundaries. Whatever it is, it’s valid and it’s yours to define.
I’m still navigating the lingering guilt. I’m with my son every day, and yet I sometimes wrestle with the idea of stepping away, even briefly. But each year I reclaim a little more space. Not because anyone handed it to me, but because I asked for it.
So for the other mother’s reading this, don’t wait for someone to give you the perfect Mother’s Day (even if your request is met with eye rolls or judgement – power through). You can design it yourself. You can ask for what you want, unapologetically. And you absolutely deserve to enjoy it.