Op-Ed: Are You Using The Term "Healing" As A Process Or A Trendy Cover Up To Something More?

Can healing be a cover up?

This is not only a loaded question, but an awkward one. Why would anyone who needs to heal or wants to heal, ever use it as a cover up? That would defeat the purpose and limit their growth process. Yes, but healing is no feat and it does not take participation in it for that to be known. Manipulation is a power tool. Some people have mastered how to manipulate their way through life and they won’t stop just because a chance to heal is on the table. Self preservation is always key and if you never learned proper coping mechanisms, you revert back to what you know. This is one of the reasons why many people are anti- therapy, they believe it doesn’t work. Note, therapy is not fail proof, as it can only work when you do. 

Healing requires so much of you. 

It is easy for us to put our guards up and label that as healing, when in all actuality, that is us hiding. Healing has many phases, at some point, it does require us to face things that hinder and burden us, head on. Facing our own fears is a must. The things that we carry with us, whether so deep down that we don’t know, or at the surface, show up in our every day lives. We are often times oblivious to this, but other people know it, especially those closest to us. 

This means that the manipulation is not just an external factor, but internal as well. Yes, we can absolutely trick ourselves and use healing as a cover up to stay stuck. Staying stuck may not be intentional at all, but a result of not doing the work required to truly heal. Some of our scars have become beauty marks. They are not only accepted by us, but they also attract others. This could be the worst type of entrapment for all parties involved.

Healing is vital. 

For that reason, you have to choose it! It cannot be forced on you! Remember those two things, always. While it may be completely uncomfortable thinking about having to face the things that have broken you or got extremely close to breaking you, it is more uncomfortable living in their shadows. The better version of yourself is trapped by that. Understand that you do not have to be foul or the worst person on the planet to need healing. Never allow the comparison to someone else’s life or mess be the reason you don’t pursue healing on your own. Do not limit yourself to being the best or smartest person in the room. That could also be part of the cover up. 

Remember, our issues exist regardless if they are acknowledged or not. That thing that someone did or said to you resonated deeply, so deeply that it helped shift, shape, and mold who you are in the present. Do you really want to live in a manner where you are always reacting? That’s really not living at all, if you think about if.So, while healing can be used as a cover up, I guess I am pleading with you for it not to be yours. 

Healing will look and feel different to every single person experiencing it. 

That’s okay. That is a part of their individual journey. That is their story to tell and their harsh truths to uncover. Allow them that space, that time, and that emotional fall out. Yes, it will be different, and yes, relationships will shift. Healing is a shedding process.

It is also important for us to be aware that not everyone will be rooting for this part of your life, some people like the old version of you. It’s important to know who needs to be left where they are, along with the things that needed healing. Your peace of mind, is whatever it looks like to you, not anyone else. You have the power and you get to decide what stays and what goes. You get to set boundaries and you get to maintain them. It will be an invigorating feeling, that will likely have you questioning yourself along the way too. It’s okay, you’ll be in a different space to make those decisions. Facing the truth is necessary, even when it hurts, probably even more so, in that space. This is important because our feelings have long shelf lives. 

Healing is the reversal on a life sentence. 

We all deserve to live life with credit given to the time we have already mentally, physically, and emotionally served and the ability to create better futures.