Ladies, how many of us watched an outstanding, talented, and beautiful friend get into a relationship you knew wasn’t right for her? For years, I watched one of my friends dim her light for a man. Initially, I tried warning her about his extremely loud red flags – unemployed with no urgency to find a job and constantly going “MIA.” And no, he wasn’t out searching for employment. The only job that man held faithfully was gaslighting.
For instance, she said she believed he was cheating on her for months. But whenever she confronted him, he would spout lies and convince her to return. I was exhausted! I felt like I was in a relationship with the man. So, after a while, I bit my tongue whenever she came to me about her problems. Why? My friend was in love, and as we all know, you cannot compete with “pillow talk.”
However, everything changed when I was out one evening and saw her man kissing another woman who wasn’t my friend. And no, they weren’t taking a break or broken up. I consider myself bolder than most, and I walked up closer and recorded the interaction, not caring if he saw me or not.
I refused to allow my friend to “go out sad” and intended to tell her. But a sad reality kicked in before I could send her the video evidence: regardless of the physical evidence, she would be more mad at me than him. Wild, right?
Therefore, would you tell your friend their partner is cheating or not say anything at all?
Pros of Telling Your Friend Their Partner is Cheating
Friendships are built on trust, loyalty, and understanding. So, many feel there is an unspoken obligation that, no matter how tricky, you must tell the friend.
It’s the Principle
It’s the principle, and that principle is honesty. Friendships thrive on open communication and authenticity. When you have evidence of a partner’s unfaithfulness, you own a truth that directly impacts your friend’s life and well-being. By revealing this knowledge, you demonstrate genuine care for their emotional welfare.
It proves that you value truth over comfort and prioritize their right to know over the ease of silence. After all, true friends look out for each other’s best interests, even when the path is difficult.
Empower Them to Make Informed Decisions
Informing your friend of their partner’s infidelity equips them with the means to make informed decisions. Whether it’s to seek relationship counseling, confront their partner, or choose to move on, they can act from a place of understanding. And one thing I tell friends is, “I will always support your decision, whether I agree or disagree. It is not my job to persuade you but to provide the necessary tools to make your decisions.”
My friend’s gut feeling told her for some time that her boyfriend was unfaithful, but she never had hard facts. That video would’ve provided the needed facts, ensuring she was not making choices in the dark.
Protect their Health
Cheating isn’t just an emotional betrayal. It can also pose tangible health risks. If a partner is involved with another person, there’s a potential for exposure to sexually transmitted infections. By alerting your friend, you allow them to prioritize their health, perhaps by getting tested or seeking medical advice.
Cons of Telling Your Friend Their Partner Is Cheating
While there are reasons to reveal such disheartening information, there are also compelling reasons to pause and consider the potential drawbacks.
Risk of Damaging the Friendship
Risk damaging our friendship was my biggest fear. People process hurtful truths in varied ways. Some might see you as the bearer of bad news, associating you with the pain of the revelation. Others might question why you were privy to this information or even doubt your sharing authenticity. This cloud of doubt and mistrust can strain the foundations of your friendship, potentially causing irreparable damage.
My friend already hated hearing the truth from me about her partner and had even lost friendships because of him. Would telling her the truth be worth it?
Additional Stress
The revelation of a cheating partner is a significant emotional blow. While you might believe you’re acting in your friend’s best interest, you could inadvertently plunge them into a whirlwind of negative emotions ranging from betrayal to sadness. They might not be mentally or emotionally able to handle such news, and the added stress could exacerbate other personal or professional challenges. You could inadvertently become the catalyst for an emotional crisis.
Final Decision
Ultimately, I told my friend the truth. Although she was hurt, she didn’t leave him. And I did the only thing I could to prevent being drained by their drama: I loved her from a distance.
Determining whether to tell your friend their partner is cheating is hard. Every situation is unique, influenced by the intricacies of individual relationships, personal values, and the depth of friendship. While the reasons to share are worth it, the potential consequences can be more significant. So, tread with caution, armed with both compassion and foresight. This choice tests the bonds of friendship and our personal integrity. Whatever decision one makes, it’s vital to ensure it stems from a place of genuine care and concern, aiming to act in the best interest of all parties involved.