Let’s be honest: the harsh realities of human waste can be a complicated topic to deal with when starting a new relationship. Sure, it’s part of the natural order of things. Still, when you are in the honeymoon phase of a fresh romance it’s hard to know when to usher in the realism of a trip to the bathroom. And no, we aren’t talking number one.
In the beginning, you can uphold the rose-colored lens, showing your lover your best outfits and attitudes. You meet somewhere for date night and eventually retreat back home where the mask can come off. It’s when the sleepovers turn to week-long stays, the bonnet comes out and you have no choice but to go number 2 that things get a bit too real.
“We went on a cruise for four nights and I didn’t go to the bathroom even once” 29-year-old Veronica shared, left paralyzed by the newness of her relationship. “I don’t know how I’m ever going to live with him.”
So what’s the psychological reasoning behind women unable to go number 2? There’s more to it than you may realize.
Why Is It Hard to Go to The Bathroom?
Parcopresis, the scientific term for “poo anxiety” or “shy bowel syndrome,” is defined as the inability to poop in places that lack privacy. This especially intensifies when you consider a romantic partner potentially perceiving you at your most vulnerable. Baecations often become a sobering slice of reality when you’re trying to sneak off into lobby bathrooms in order to do your business.
More women than men suffer from this, embarrassed by the potential of being heard or smelled. Parcopresis is categorized as a psychological problem which researchers have concluded falls under the umbrella of social anxiety disorders. Beyond that, women are pressured to uphold unrealistic images of what it means to be human. Women can’t sweat, have hairy legs, or go a day without a pedicure. They most certainly can’t have gas or bowel movements, as it’s hard to sell sex with that kind of implication. The hygienic double standard only further objectifies women as a species, leaving them paralyzed when their image of poise and femininity is threatened.
Why Holding It in Is a Problem
One thing is for sure: it’s not ideal to hold it in. Your gut has a rhythm and it can be difficult to get back on track once you become dysregulated. The more you deny yourself going to the bathroom, the more fluid is absorbed from the stool in the bowel, making it harder and harder. It will soon become painful to pass, leading to a vicious cycle of avoiding the bathroom.
Overcoming Parcopresis
If you’re suffering from parcopresis, here are some tips to combat it:
Talk About It: So much of the stigma around “embarrassing” things like farting and pooping fly out the window once you’re brave enough to address it. Find the humor in it and talk about it. You can even work together to make a code word or schedule in which you’ll have as much privacy for your toilet needs.
Give Yourself Time: A new relationship won’t always be new. At some point, the comfort you cultivate between one another will be enough to combat the embarrassment.
Use Tools: There are little things that can make the world of difference if you’re dealing with shy bowel syndrome. Play some music when you’re in the bathroom to mask any noise. Invest in a good air freshener to spray before or after going number two. Deep breathing and mindfulness exercises can also help alleviate anxiety around using the bathroom.
Seek Help: If no matter what your body just won’t let you do it, consider talking to a therapist to explore potential root causes and develop coping mechanisms. Parcopresis is ultimately a psychological issue. Unless you’re dehydrated and avoiding foods with fiber, your body want to digest properly. You just have to get out of your own head and let it happen.