In adulthood, the relationship between parent and child becomes more reciprocal. The giving goes in both directions. Hopefully, both parties reach out to catch up. In your new consciousness, you start to recognize that your parents are people too. They require the same type of care and attention all people do. That includes mental health check-ins, maintenance and even how to seek professional help, if necessary. If you’re the child who wants to have a conversation about your parents’ mental health, here are some tips to do it effectively.
Observe
Before you go making suggestions, or searching for therapists for your mom, make sure you’ve spent enough time together to actually witness what your parent may be going through. When you’re around them, look for signs that might point to a slip in mental wellness. Are they no longer interested in the things they used to love? Do you notice that they’re isolating themselves? Or maybe there’s an effort to hide something that is not working all the way. Either way, when you’re with your parents, don’t let it be all about you and how you’re doing. Keep your eyes open.
Express Your Concerns
If you’ve seen some behavior that alarms you, be honest about the concerns regarding your parent’s mental health. It may be a hard conversation but talk about what you’ve seen. A lot of people who belong to the older generations aren’t used to having conversations about their mental health so be patient. Speak delicately but directly. Let them know what you’ve seen and ask them where that behavior might be coming from.
Share Your Own Mental Health Journey
Your parent may be harboring shame about their mental health being in a precarious place. Let them know that they’re not alone. Share what type of mental health issues you may have dealt with in the past or currently navigating. You may notice an overlap. But more importantly, it may provide an in for your parent to do the work they need to to get well.
Suggest Professional Help
Most people could benefit from speaking to a professional, especially older people who grew up in a time when therapy was disregarded in the Black community. Speak about the benefits of having the right therapist. If your parent seems open, talk to them about cultural competency, finding a good fit and not giving up until they find a good fit or a good alternative. Traditional talk therapy may not be for everyone but there are other healing practices available. Remind your parents that’s it’s never too late to do this type of work.
Make Peace with Your Parents’ Decisions
Sometimes it can seem like you’re the one raising your parents these days. It’s true, as an adult and their child, there is a specific insight you have into your parents as people. If they listen, you could likely help them through some things. But that’s only if they’re ready and willing. Whatever decision your parents make in terms of their mental health, it is their decision. You don’t have to agree with it. But you have to respect and make peace with it. The same way you wanted the freedom of choice to exercise your own autonomy as a teen and young adult, your parents certainly feel that way having lived as long as they have. Your parents may not do what you suggest. But at least you know you’ve planted the seed.