There is nothing like having a good girlfriend to share all your outrageous and funny secrets with. After deciding she wanted to share those wild stories with the world, Kiara Alexandra, known as Kiki Said So, created a podcast. Alexandra decided to bring Medinah Monroe along for the ride and together the two host “Cocktales: Dirty Discussions.” On their show, the ladies have very candid conversations about intimacy. The podcast has grown over the years and tapped into conversations on a plethora of topics. 21Ninety spoke to the duo about what they hope will entertain you, inform you and hopefully give you a new perspective on life.
21NINETY: What makes you both so comfortable to have discussions about sex on the podcast?
Kiara Alexandra: I would get frustrated with how uncomfortable other people were with talking about it or really doing the things that they want to do. They would actually say, “I would try that, but I could never try that because I’ll never get married. No one is ever going to take me seriously. What would my parents say?” So many people are living in fear. There [are] other people like Medinah and I who want to hear about these stories. They want to have fun and be able to, after you cry, get over these moments and find the silver lining and laugh about the stuff. Overall, I want to help other people.
Medinah Monroe: I am actually not that comfortable talking about it. That doesn’t mean I won’t. Even if it’s my story or if we have certain guests. But you know what? You do it uncomfortable, you do it scared, and you just do it. Committing to [the podcast] means some things are going to be uncomfortable.
21N: Is any topic off limits?
KA: It changes and depends on where we are in life. If I’m seeing somebody and we agree we’re not going to discuss our sex life, then that does kind of take a toll on it because you might not like the jokes I make. You might share a story about an experience that happened with a friend or a friend’s story. You don’t give any identifying things but when that person hears it, they may be mad that you made a joke about it.
MM: I don’t really have many things that are off limits. If it is off limits I don’t know until a clip has been made. Then I’m like I shouldn’t have said that. There are things that are off limits it seems like for the listeners. We’ve been such a sex positive show. Now, the conversation has started to transition to real life topics. Relationships aren’t always good. The sex isn’t always good. You’re not always happy.
KA: Sometimes you’re not having [sex] or dating.
MM: The show has always wanted to help people with sex but now it’s like sex, relationships and dating.
21N: Since the podcast’s discussions have evolved, have you ever thought about changing the name?
MM: I have!
KA: I don’t want it to change. Just make a new show if you take away the name.
MM: Sometimes when I’m getting guests, the name scares them. The libra in me that needs the balance is like, ‘this isn’t really balancing itself if we’re still calling ourselves Cocktales.’ We do still share cocktales. It’s a very important part of the show. Listeners send in cocktales so that we can read their Zane novel stories.
21N: Talk about why you now have discussions about safe sex and other serious topics on the podcast.
MM: Since we do talk about sex there is a responsibility, I know that I feel as far as sexual health. Are we getting tested? Having the sex that we want to have? Are we being safe and healthy? So, every now and again we’ll bring in a doctor to talk about fibroids, our uterus, fertility, and things that people are going through.
KA: People will message us and say they never thought about somebody else’s perspective. They listened to someone share their experience or give information about something and it opened up their eyes. That’s another thing that is really important to me besides relatability. Getting people to open their minds. It feels good to know that we are getting people to think outside of whatever their norm is.
MM: That’s one thing that I love about our show. It sparks conversation that people just aren’t having in the dating world. You can dodge so many bullets with simple conversations.
KA: We always tell people you can just blame us when on you want to bring up. “I was listening to this podcast and what do you think about this?”
21N: Have you ever said something about yourself and later regretted it?
KA: Yeah!
MM: What? That still happens! Sometimes it might not necessarily be what I said about myself, but what I said. Are people going to be mad? There have been times where we’ve been drunk on the show. Those are bad (laughing) It makes me look at myself and learn in a way that a lot of people don’t get to because you don’t see yourself.
KA: You remember it how you remember it and you never get to see it played back.
MM: You damn sure don’t ever have anybody commenting and saying you talk too much. It’s hard to hear that. I’m at a place now where if enough people are saying it, let me look at it. I like that we get to learn about ourselves. The good, bad, ugly and the drunk.
21N: What do you want people to take away from your show?
KA: I want people to open their minds up to different walks of life. To see women go through different phases of their lives and learn life lessons. Whether they are learning from mistakes or positive things like putting the fear aside and you just did some stuff and it worked out. I just want people to be entertained, laugh and feel some sort of relatability and personal goth for themselves after they listen to the show.
MM: I think all of that as well. In addition, I want people to hold themselves accountable for the types of people you are attracting to yourselves, how your dating experience is going, and really look at you. I want people to feel the happiness and the love that you can have, but you have to fix you.
This article has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.