Even the healthiest of relationships have heir fair share of arguments and disagreements. What matters most, however, is how to get things back on track afterward. Whether you’ve had a minor spat or a major blowout, finding common ground is essential for the health of your partnership. So, how can you effectively resolve a fight in a relationship? One expert has some practical tips to mend fences and strengthen your bond.
When Both Parties Think They’re Right
Listen Actively
One of the foundational pillars of resolving a fight in a relationship is active listening. According to Jennifer Allen, Founder and CEO of Just Elope LLC, this entails immersing yourself in your partner’s perspective with genuine curiosity and empathy.
“Imagine yourself as a detective unraveling a mystery,” Allen suggested. “Actively listen to your partner’s perspective without prematurely jumping to conclusions. By tuning in to your partner’s viewpoint, you pave the way for mutual understanding and resolution.”
Active listening involves more than just hearing words; it requires paying attention to nonverbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice. Resist the urge to interrupt or formulate your response while your partner is speaking. Instead, focus on fully comprehending their point of view before expressing your own thoughts.
Use “I” Statements
When tensions run high, communication can easily devolve into a blame game. To foster a more constructive dialogue, Allen recommends using “I” statements to express your feelings and concerns.
“Communicate your feelings without resorting to finger-pointing,” Allen advises. “Express your emotions openly and constructively using ‘I’ statements. This approach fosters a non-confrontational atmosphere conducive to productive dialogue.”
For example, instead of saying, “You always make me feel unimportant,” try framing your statement as, “I feel overlooked when my opinions are dismissed.”
By taking ownership of your emotions and experiences, you invite your partner to empathize with your perspective without feeling attacked or defensive.
Acknowledge Each Other’s Feelings
Validation is a powerful tool in conflict resolution, as it demonstrates empathy and respect for your partner’s emotions.
“Take a moment to acknowledge and respect your partner’s emotions, even if they differ from your own,” Allen advised. “Embrace this diversity and strive to create a safe space where both perspectives are valued.”
Even if you don’t agree with your partner’s feelings or opinions, validating their emotions can help de-escalate the situation and foster a sense of understanding. Remember that everyone experiences and processes emotions differently, and acknowledging your partner’s feelings can strengthen your emotional connection and pave the way for effective problem-solving.
Seek Compromise
In the midst of a disagreement, it’s essential to shift your focus from winning to finding a mutually beneficial solution. According to Jennifer Allen, compromise is the cornerstone of healthy conflict resolution.
“In the art of compromise, finding a balance is essential,” she emphasizes. “Embrace the notion that sometimes, agreeing to disagree can be as satisfying as adding extra cheese to a pizza. By seeking common ground and accommodating each other’s needs, you pave the way for mutual satisfaction and understanding.”
To find common ground, consider each other’s perspectives and brainstorm potential solutions that address both of your concerns. Remember that compromise doesn’t mean sacrificing your values or priorities; rather, it involves finding creative ways to meet each other halfway.
Take a Break if Needed
When emotions run high, it’s easy to say things you might later regret. In such moments, taking a step back can prevent further escalation and allow both parties to cool off before resuming the discussion.
“When emotions run high, don’t hesitate to hit the pause button,” advises Allen. “Taking a breather can prevent verbal fireworks and allow both parties to cool off before resuming the discussion. Remember, stepping back is a sign of maturity and a proactive measure to preserve the peace.”
Taking a break doesn’t mean sweeping the issue under the rug or avoiding confrontation altogether. Instead, it provides an opportunity to regroup, reflect on your emotions, and approach the situation with a calmer demeanor.
Agree on a specific time to reconvene and continue the conversation, ensuring that both parties have had adequate time to process their thoughts and feelings.
Resolving disagreements is not easy but it can be done. Allen’s mantra is that every relationship is a “unique masterpiece.”
“The key is to keep the lines of communication open, honest, and filled with laughter,” Allen said.