A viral TikTok video showcasing white women adorned with engagement rings at their college graduation has left some women questioning their college experiences. The tradition, casually referred to as “ring by spring” or “ring before spring,” is based in the practice of attending college with the goal of getting an engagement ring by graduation. This “tradition” is often associated with whiteness. Many Black women have shared that getting engaged by the end of their college career is just not a reality.
The college to marriage pipeline is nothing new. However, the virality of the graduation engagement video has prompted deeper conversations about societal norms and gender roles. It’s also shed light on cultural differences in marriage, particularly between Black and white college students.
Societal and Cultural Factors of “Ring By Spring”
Societal differences are at the center of the shortcomings of the ring by spring phenomenon for Black women. Those, of course, who actually wish to find a partner while attending college.
“I think of the movie, ‘Mona Lisa Smile,'” says Anwar White, a distinguished dating and relationship coach. “Where most of the white college girls were going to college to get married and the professor was trying to let them know that there is a bigger, wider world with more opportunity than just being a housewife.”
White highlights a stark contrast in the historical narratives surrounding marriage for Black and white women.
“There’s a huge difference between black and white college students when it comes to marriage,” the coach said.
He emphasizes a historical necessity for Black women to prioritize financial independence over love or marriage.
“Black women have always had to work and most of the time didn’t have the luxury of being stay-at-home mothers,” White explained.
This contrasts sharply with the narrative often presented to white women, who historically had the choice between pursuing careers or relying on their husbands for financial support.
White also sheds light on the ongoing discourse within Black communities regarding gender roles and independence. According to the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, Black women currently earn about two-thirds of all African-American bachelor’s degree awards. White highlights that this contributes to the evolving landscape of traditional gender dynamics. As Black women increasingly outpace Black men in education and earning, traditional gender roles are challenged. Thus creating a space where Black women generally are not dependent on men to give them a better life.
“The goal for many Black women in college is get the degree and get the money,” he said. “The goal for white women is to move their life forward and that can look like traveling more, being educated (in degrees that don’t necessarily have high paying jobs), and it can mean finding a husband.”
Impact on Black Female College Students
White suggests that a difference in timeline also has a significant impact on Black women
“Most black women are actually starting to date during college, whereas their white counterparts started dating at ages 11 or 12 years old,” he explained.
This delayed entry potentially postpones considerations of marriage until later stages of life. White emphasizes that while the ring by spring phenomenon may seem pervasive among white women, the pressure to find partnership at some point in life is shared across demographics.
“Both white and Black women face external pressures from family and social circles,” he explained.
While white women may face pressures rooted in traditional gender roles, Black women navigate dating through historical and systemic factors. Ultimately, both groups grapple with the balancing act of personal aspirations and societal expectations. Black and white women are navigating the journey toward partnership and commitment in distinct yet interconnected ways.