When Ashley Adams Culbreath was in her twenties, her social life was vibrant and her budget was stretched. She was earning about $50,000 a year while many of her closest friends were closer to $80,000. The thing is, Culbreath assumed her friend’s salaries were inline with what she was earning. It was that misunderstanding that eventually landed Culbreath in massive credit card debt.
“You would just assume you’re in the same circle, you’re all making the same kind of money, but they were probably making 80 at the time. And so, a $2,000 trip to them might not have been a $2,000 trip for me. [That] was more than 50 percent of my monthly salary at the time,” Culbreath explained.
Along with incurring debt, that mismatch revealed how silence about money can warp choices. Rather than judgement, the remedy is candor with the people you’re actually spending with.
Why Share with Friends Instead of Guessing
Talking real numbers with trusted friends may feel nosy but in reality it is a financial wellness tool that can keep everyone out of lifestyle debt. When we do not know what others earn or can spend, we fill the gap with assumptions. Culbreath’s story shows how quickly that can lead to debt and the research mirrors her experience. According to the Philadelphia Fed study, neighbors exposed to a big, visible jump in someone else’s wealth took on more debt and saw higher bankruptcies. Knowing the real numbers in your circle makes it easier to say no to a $2,000 trip that quietly sinks someone’s budget.
Culbreath who is now the CEO of Mentor Me, a career development company, suggests salary sharing amongst friends as the solution to the problem.
“It’s really valuable to discuss salary with friends. And I know that it can be uncomfortable and I know it’s impolite to talk about money. But particularly for black women, women of color, I just think that there’s so much value in not following a script that was not designed for you,” Culbreath explained.
She argues for tackling the problem head on with people you truly trust. Culbreath says talking salary with friends can help with staying within your personal budget but also elevating your career and pay. While friends may not work in the same industry as you, knowing how they advance, negotiate and budget can help you on your own financial journey. Culbreath says people however, avoid these conversations and miss opportunities to help each other grow.
“If they’re your real friends, what they might do is put you on, introduce you to someone. Not even so much about salary and the money you make, but they might invite you into some better habits, some better strategies to using the money you have currently effectively. So I do think that there’s value in sharing,” Culbreath said.
If you are ready to try this with your circle of trusted friends, here is a simple playbook from Culbreath.
Ask for Consent
Open by naming your intent and checking if they are open to money talk. Ashley suggests getting permission so it does not feel invasive. A quick “I want to plan better together. Is it okay if we talk ranges” sets a collaborative tone and builds trust. This matches relationship guidance that healthy communication and regular check-ins are core to strong relationships, according to the American Psychological Association. Treating the conversation as a mutual check-in keeps it from sounding like an interrogation and makes it easier for everyone to participate at a comfort level that feels safe.
Acknowledge Awkwardness
Normalize the cringe and say why you want to try. “This feels awkward for me too, but I think it will help us plan better.” People often assume money talk will heighten anxiety, yet the opposite can happen when it is handled supportively. According to Cornell University coverage of a 2025 peer-reviewed study in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, across eight studies people who disclosed personal finances felt more control and less financial anxiety. Initiating the conversation was often the best place to start. You can borrow that finding as a reframe and keep the tone practical, not confessional.
Start with ranges
Ashley recommends sharing a range and a little context. Ranges preserve privacy but give enough clarity for planning trips, dinners, and gift exchanges. They also reduce guesswork around affordability at a time when money is a leading source of stress. According to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America work, finances and the economy consistently rank as major stressors, which is why simple, concrete numbers can ease tension inside friend groups as plans take shape.
Be Willing to Go First
Model the tone you want. Offer your range, add one piece of context, and invite whatever the other person is comfortable sharing. Disclosure tends to be reciprocated. According to a meta-analysis in Psychological Bulletin, people who share appropriately are generally liked more, and self-disclosure reliably elicits disclosure in return. That does not mean oversharing. It means small, intentional steps that make the conversation feel generous rather than performative. Pair this with Ashley’s emphasis on purpose and boundaries so the moment stays cooperative and low pressure.
Share Other Money-Related Areas of Interest
Salary is only one lever. Ashley notes friends can “put you on” to better habits, mentors, or strategies. Swap what is working, like a monthly cap for friend time, a shared list of low-cost hangouts, or the budgeting tricks that actually stick. This focus on practical steps is not just useful. Keeping the conversation oriented to choices you can make together helps turn a taboo into a tool.
Move on If a Friend Is Not Interested
Respect a no. Ashley is clear that boundaries matter and that you can keep the friendship comfortable without disclosure. If someone prefers not to discuss money, honor that and share logistics instead, like the all-in price of a plan. Keep a smaller “money circle” with those who are comfortable and bring back neutral takeaways such as price caps and budget-friendly options.