Attachment styles help people understand the ways that they can grow as partners and friends. When it comes to describing how people typically relate to others in close relationships, understanding whether a person has anxious attachment or avoidant attachment is important.

However, it’s less common to hear about secure attachment, which is the healthiest of all the attachment styles. Here’s a deeper dive into the defining factors of a secure attachment style.

What Are The Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles originated from the work of psychologist John Bowlby in the mid-20th century. He developed attachment theory to explain the bond between infants and their primary caregivers, though it’s evolved much further since. They were soon more deeply researched and applied to adult relationships, lending to the four main attachment styles:

  1. Anxious Attachment: These individuals often seek high levels of closeness and may worry about their partner’s availability. They can be sensitive to signs of rejection and may display clinginess.
  2. Avoidant Attachment: People with this style value independence and may be uncomfortable with too much closeness. They often distance themselves emotionally and may have trouble expressing their feelings.
  3. Disorganized Attachment: This style is a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors. Individuals may have experienced trauma or inconsistent caregiving, leading to confusion in relationships and difficulty managing emotions.
  4. Secure Attachment: Individuals feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They trust others and have healthy boundaries, leading to stable and positive relationships.

While it may be difficult to confront where you fall in the spectrum, it’s crucial to know. Understanding your style can help you improve communication, strengthen your relationship dynamics and evolve into an overall better you.

What Does Secure Attachment Look Like?

While you can probably name the people in your life who fall elsewhere on the spectrum, research suggests that approximately 50 to 60 percent of people exhibit a secure attachment style. These are the couples who lovingly communicate through disagreements or prioritize each other’s well-being. This ideal attachment style is characterized by several key traits:

  1. Trust: Individuals with a secure attachment style generally trust their partners and feel safe in the relationship. They believe their partner will be there for them in times of need.
  2. Comfort with Intimacy: They are comfortable with closeness and emotional connection. They can express their feelings and needs openly without fear of rejection.
  3. Independence: While they value their relationships, they also appreciate their independence. They don’t feel overly dependent on their partner for emotional support.
  4. Effective Communication: They are usually good at communicating their thoughts and feelings, and they listen well to their partner. They address conflicts constructively.
  5. Emotional Regulation: Securely attached individuals can manage their emotions effectively. They are less likely to experience intense anxiety or anger in response to relationship stress.
  6. Positive Outlook: They tend to have a positive view of themselves and others, leading to healthier interactions and a greater ability to form lasting, fulfilling relationships.

Secure attachment centers on stability, mutual respect and understanding. If you strive to grow into this attachment style, self-reflection and self-awareness is key. Alongside therapy, secure attachment is cultivated through vulnerability, boundaries and interacting with people who are also secure.