The belief that once you’ve achieved a certain level of personal growth, a perfect relationship will naturally follow, is a surefire way to disappoint yourself in the long run. This notion suggests that the key to finding love is simply to be the best version of yourself, and then love will magically appear. However, this mindset can be detrimental, particularly for single individuals who may start to see their singleness as a failure or punishment for not being “good enough.”


#stitch with @Ryan Spencer I hear her (kind of)

♬ original sound – Chanté Joseph

You often hear stories of individuals who have worked tirelessly on themselves. They’ve excelled in their careers, built strong social networks, and reached peak physical health. Despite all these accomplishments, they might still find themselves single, questioning what more they need to do. This experience is not uncommon, and it highlights a critical point: relationships are not rewards dispensed for reaching a certain level of self-improvement.

Debunking the Idea that Self-Work = A Relationship

It’s first important to recognize that people at various stages of personal development are in relationships. Some of the most emotionally and mentally unprepared individuals manage to find partners, while some of the most self-aware and accomplished people remain single. This reality shows that relationships are not a marker of personal achievement.

Viewing a relationship as a reward implies that being single is a punishment. This perspective can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth among single people. It perpetuates the false idea that they are not “complete” without a partner. This can be particularly harmful, leading to unnecessary pressure and stress to attain an unattainable ideal of self-actualization.

The truth is that relationships often happen through a mix of circumstances. While personal growth and self-improvement are valuable and can undoubtedly enhance your life, they do not guarantee a romantic relationship. They should be pursued for your own well-being and happiness, not as a means to an end. This distinction is crucial for a healthy mindset.

Shifting Your Perception

Working on yourself should be about enhancing your own quality of life, creating self-love, and achieving your personal goals. It’s about building a life that you are proud of and happy with, irrespective of your relationship status. When you reach a place of contentment and self-assurance, you attract relationships based on genuine connection rather than a checklist of achievements.

A shift in societal views on relationships and singleness is also important. It’s time to stop idolizing relationships as the ultimate life goal and start recognizing the value of being single. Being single is not a state of lack but a period of growth, exploration, and self-discovery. It allows individuals the freedom to pursue their passions, understand themselves better, and establish a strong sense of independence.

A relationship is not a trophy to be won after a marathon of self-improvement. It’s a partnership that comes from mutual respect, understanding, and timing. Embrace your journey of personal growth for what it is: a path to becoming the best version of yourself for yourself.