The predominant portrayal of sex in mainstream media is that it begins as an awkward teenage experience. Eventually, the learning curve flattens and you hit a stride. And that’s basically the end of the journey. You’ve figured it out and there’s no more work to be done. But that’s just not true. Sexuality is fluid. There are many things that can affect a person’s sex life. Those include mental and physical health, significant life events and getting older.
Sex Therapist and Intimacy coordinator Zuri Pryor-Graves, MSW, MEd, says age isn’t to blame for sex being different than it once was. Rather, it’s what happens to hormones as people age, specifically menopause for women and andropause for men. In the same way fluctuating hormones have an impact during puberty, they can have the reverse affect in later years. But it’s not just the hormones. Aging can also mean the onset of health issues like diabetes and cardiovascular problems. The medications used to treat these disease often aren’t libido friendly. Then there are psychological factors like stress or depression which can affect libido as well.
“It’s crucial to approach these changes with open communication, both with a healthcare professional and with a partner,” Pryor-Graves says. “Others might find a renewed focus on emotional and intimate connections or explore new aspects of their sexual selves.”
Mental Changes
While getting older often comes with more confidence and inner peace, many find themselves dealing with shifts they didn’t prepare for like how their bodies are changing.
“Aging often comes with changes in body appearance and function,” Pryor-Graves said. “[These changes] can influence self-esteem and body image, impacting one’s comfort and confidence in intimate situations. Societal attitudes toward aging and sexuality can influence an individual’s perception of their own sexual well-being, affecting mental health.”
With age there is also an expectation that people are supposed to live stable, financially free lives with solid relationships. Pryor-Graves says when those things aren’t in place, it can effect mental health and sexual well-being. But nothing has to be “wrong” to affect a person’s sex life. Sometime’s life’s natural progressions are enough to effect libido.
“As women age, priorities may shift, and the emphasis on emotional and intimate connection may become more prominent than purely physical aspects of sex,” Pryor-Graves said. “Communicating with partners about evolving desires and needs is essential.”
Other life transitions, such as retirement or empty nesting, can alter relationship dynamics and impact intimacy as well.
Physical Changes
While the mind is powerful, there are some very real things happening in the body that can affect sex drives. For women, the aging process can affect vaginal tissues. Pryor-Graves explains that these tissues become thinner and drier. These changes can make sex less comfortable. Childbirth, hormone shifts and even changes in the pelvic floor muscles can potentially affect sexual response.
These changes are natural and inevitable in many cases. But Pryor-Graves says there are treatments available. Some are even reversible if managed with the appropriate interventions.
“It’s important to note that individual responses can vary, and the reversibility of these changes depends on various factors. Moisturizers and lubricants can provide relief for vaginal dryness. Additionally, hormone-based treatments, such as estrogen creams, may be prescribed under medical guidance. Pelvic floor exercises (Kegels) can help strengthen pelvic muscles and improve sexual response,” Pryor-Graves said.
Use It or Lose It?
There’s a popular notion that if you don’t regularly have sex, you lose the ability to do so enjoyably. Pryor-Graves there is some truth to the idea in certain contexts.
“For example, muscle tone. Regular sexual activity or engagement in pelvic floor exercises can contribute to maintaining muscle tone in the pelvic region. For women, sexual activity or the use of vaginal dilators, especially in postmenopausal women, can help maintain vaginal elasticity and reduce the risk of discomfort or tightness,” the therapist said.
Can Sex be Good at Any Age?
Ultimately, people want to know that there is hope. Can sex remain a part of life if so desired? Pryor-Graves says absolutely.
“As individuals age, priorities and preferences may shift, but maintaining open communication with a partner, adapting to changing needs, and embracing a positive mindset toward sexuality can contribute to a fulfilling and vibrant sex life,” the therapist advised. “It’s about recognizing that intimacy evolves, and with care, creativity, and understanding, individuals can continue to experience satisfaction and connection in their sexual relationships throughout their lives.”