We can do hard things. But it’s not always easy to accomplish them. We’re creatures of habit. We generally don’t like to do anything that’s going to push us too far out of our comfort zone. So in an effort to complete our goals, we attempt to find ways to keep ourselves on the right track. Without the proper tools, we might find ourselves using shame as a motivator. It’s a common strategy. But it’s not entirely effective as a long term method. Here’s why shame is not a great motivator.
Negativity Doesn’t Motivate
While you may start using shame to motivate a certain action, participating in this type of negative self-talk can contribute to other negative emotions. Studies show that feeling shame can be linked to other feelings of low self-worth, damaged self confidence and even depression. While you intentionally planned to use shame to help you become a better person, it can lead to you having to dig yourself our of an even deeper hole.
Believe in Change
In order to synthesize the person we want to be with the person we already are, you have to envision it. It takes willpower and it takes belief that your goal is worthwhile and actually within your reach. If you spend all of your time shaming yourself, your self worth may suffer, making it harder for you to believe that you are incapable of the things you’d like to accomplish.
Shaming Yourself Through Others
They say that when people speak negatively about you, it only penetrates if they’ve said something you already believe about yourself. The same is true for constantly using shameful rhetoric. If the words you’ve played on a loop in your head, are uttered from the mouths of others, you’re likely to believe them as true. Not only can these words cut more deeply than they would otherwise, you’ll be more likely to be in relationship with people who also use shame in the way they relate to others.
It’s Hard to Turn Off
Shame is an emotion that’s hard to contain. You think you’re using it in just one area of your life, but it slowly starts to seep into the rest of it. The use of shame becomes a habit. The brain is based on patterns. And once you’ve established one, they’re hard to break. If you’ve repeatedly called yourself lazy, worthless or inept, your brain doesn’t know you only mean that in this one area. It’s going to apply those same rules to anything else you may want to try.