When inviting someone new into your romantic life, always take precautions. Are they safe to be around? Are they being honest about who they say they are? Will they break your heart? Particularly, when you’re a Black person dating in this digital age, you need to be on the look out for being racially fetishized.
Fetishization is the act of “making someone an object of sexual desire based on some aspect of their identity or appearance, often based on a stereotype,” according to Planned Parenthood Action Fund. And racial fetishization runs rampant with the prevalence of online dating. If you’re dating someone and question if they racially fetishize you, here are signs to be on the lookout for.
Speaking about You in Group Terms
When you get to know someone, you should be getting to know them as an individual. But someone who fetishizes you, likes you because you fit preconceived notions about a particular group. This person may frequently make blanket statements about how Black women behave or look. For instance, this person may believe they’re complimenting you when they say they “love Black girl attitudes.” Moreover, we know that specific racial groups do not share a singular attitude. But this person is stereotypes others and projects them onto you.
The Use of Slang
This person wants you to know they’re down with the culture. But instead of speaking like they regularly do, they’ll imitate Black vernacular. It’s reductive to say the least. Not to mention, non-Black people usually use African American Vernacular English (AAVE) incorrectly, and it often can be cringey.
Pandering
It’s great when people recognize their privilege and seek to use it positively in the world. But there is a difference between someone dedicated to the work and others who seek to use their “consciousness” to impress Black people. This person has BLM in their bio and support the United Negro College Fund, but interestingly, refuse to listen to or advocate for the Black people in their everyday lives.
An Emphasis on Physical Features or Skin Tone
Physical attraction wll always be important in the dating world. Yet, if the person you’re dating is obsessed with “black features” or particular skin tones, you might want to think twice about moving forward.
Dating History
When someones dating history looks more like a casting call, there may be a problem. Too many similarities in their exes can mean this person went out of their way to find women with specific physical characteristics. If physicality is their main priority, they might not be interested in getting to know you as an individual. Instead, they might see you as an object to be sexualized.