For the introverted and socially awkward like myself settings like mixers, networking events and even low key house parties can fill you with a bit of anxiety. What do you talk about? You have to strike a balance between avoiding meaningless small talk and sharing too much of your personal story with complete strangers. The easiest go to is discussing the thing that takes up so much of our time and energy: work. It’s an easy crutch. But if you’re trying to strike up a more healthy work-life balance and prove you’re more than your job title, here are ways to stop talking about work in social settings. 

Be More Intentional During Your Off Hours 

Many people who struggle to talk about things other than work do so because it’s the center of our lives. When we’re not working, we’re thinking about it. Before you know it, we’re going to sleep, preparing to do it all again the next day. Very monotonous. You can enrich your life by being more intentional about how you spend your off-hours. If you like to read, carve out more time to do so. Have passion projects you’ve been putting on the back burner? Dedicate some time to those. If there are shows you’ve been meaning to binge, it’s okay to veg out on the couch every once in a while and catch up. The next time you talk to someone, those moments of rest and pleasure-seeking will make you sound more interesting than talking about what you do at the computer all day. 

Ask Questions 

People love to talk about themselves. If you’re struggling to talk about yourself, ask a question. Ask them have they heard about the latest trending topic. What are their thoughts on our country’s political climate? What do they think about the food at the event? It could be anything. A good conversationalist will get it going and then hopefully have a question or two for you in return. 

Give compliments 

It’s no secret that Black women are the queens of compliments. We know how to uplift folk. There’s no better way than to get someone’s guard to come down than to mention something you admire about their physical appearance. If it’s an outfit, maybe they’ll tell you where they got it from and you can have a conversation about fashion or travel. If you can manage to complement their character and personality, it will leave an even bigger impression and may even make them curious to know more about you too. 

Discuss Guilty or Not-So-Guilty Pleasures 

Personally, I don’t believe we should feel guilty about pleasure. Still, some of the things that bring us joy we might not want scream from the rooftops. But in a social setting where you’re attempting to establish a connection with someone, you can show a little vulnerability by sharing something a little quirky or unexpected that you might be into. Do you watch Christmas movies on YouTube? Can you recite all of the lines to 90s films? These little tidbits can help endear you to people and even make you more memorable than other guests.

Talk about What Excites You for the Future 

If your life is in the doldrums right now, it’s alright. We all experience times where we’re just going through the motions. Instead of depressing people with an Eeyore-like outlook on life, think ahead to what you would like to future to hold. Who knows you might even manifest something good with all of that positive talk. 

For the introverted and socially awkward like myself, settings such as mixers, networking events and even low key house parties can fill you with anxiety. Who do you talk to? What do you talk about? Theres an art to finding the balance between avoiding meaningless small talk and sharing too much of your personal life with complete strangers. Everyone’s go to is usually to discuss the thing that takes up so much of our time and energy: work. Talking about your job is an easy crutch. But if you want to practice having a healthy work-life balance and prove you’re more than your job title, here are ways to stop discussing work in social settings. 

Be More Intentional During Your Off Hours 

Many people struggle to talk about things other than work because it’s the center of our lives. Even when we’re not working we are thinking about it and missing crucial moments in life. The cycle is very monotonous. You can enrich your life by being more intentional about how you spend your off-hours. If you like to read, carve out more time to do so. Have passion projects you’ve been putting on the back burner? Dedicate time to those. If there are shows you’ve been meaning to binge, it’s okay to veg out on the couch every once in a while and catch up. The next time you talk to someone, those moments of rest and pleasure-seeking will make you sound more interesting than talking about what you do at the office all day. 

Ask Questions 

People love to talk about themselves. If you’re struggling to talk about yourself outside of work, ask az question. Ask someone about the book they are reading or the latest trending topic. Ask their thoughts on the political climate or what they think about the food at the event. It could be anything. A good conversationalist will answer your question and hopefully have a question or two for you in return. 

Give compliments 

It’s no secret that Black women are the queens of compliments. We know how to uplift folks. Giving a compliment is the best way to get someone’s guard to come down. If you like their outfit, let them know and maybe they’ll tell you where they got it from. Do you think they have great energy or a bubbly personality? Tell them, and it will leave an even bigger impression and could make them curious to know more about you too. 

Discuss Guilty or Not-So-Guilty Pleasures 

Personally, I don’t believe we should feel guilty about pleasure. Still, we might not want scream from the rooftops some of the things that bring us joy. But in a social setting where you’re attempting to establish a connection with someone, a little vulnerability can go a long way. Start by sharing something a little quirky or unexpected. Do you watch Christmas movies year round on YouTube? Can you recite all of the most popular lines to 90s films? These tidbits can help endear you to people and even make you more memorable than other guests.

Talk about What Excites You for the Future 

If your life is in the doldrums right now, it’s alright. We all experience times where we just go through the motions. Instead of depressing people with an Eeyore-like outlook on life, think ahead to what you would like your future to hold. Who knows, you might even manifest something good with all of that positive talk.